Welcome to another edition of ifriend Friday’s, Director’s Cut with Dumb Mom. This week’s special guest blogger is Roo, from Nice Girl Notes.
I discovered her blog because she stalked me mercilessly when doing research (aka checking for weirdos) prior to attending Bloggy Boot Camp, Philadelphia.
I quickly determined that Nice Girl Notes is an oxymoron (way different from a regular moron), and a pretty fanfriggintastic blogger/illustrator/bass playing mama too.
You will like her, because I say so do. Oh, and because she is an authority on stuff that is awesome. Just. Like. Me!
Enjoy! (Remember, black is the guest, red is the best, aka me!)
Nice Girl Notes on How to Be Awesomer…
Dumb Mom’s pretty awesome. (Please meet my successfully brainwashed friend, Roo. She’s pretty special.)
I like her. (Of course you do, silly!)
She’s not one of those socially awkward bloggers in real life, either. (You know, dynamite on their blogs and a lot of uhs, ums, blank stares, and nervous twitches when you see them in person.) (That’s because I was totally drunk when we met, oh, and because I really am cool and severe social awkwardness is for losers.)
If we lived in the some neighborhood, we’d hit up Target together and maybe grab a chili dog or something. (Hells yeah we would. I freakin’ love me some chili dogs and Target.)
As awesome as Dumb Mom is, she called me one night – in tears. And between the sobs and the hiccups, one question came forth. “How do I be more awesome… like you?” (That’s right, friends, we all need an inspiration. I’m her’s; I’m yours. Don’t mess around and forget that.)
If I had a quarter for every time I heard that, well… I’d probably be having a really good time at a gumball machine.
Dumb Mom, this is for you…
How to Up Your Awesome, a Nice Girl’s User’s Guide.
1) Wear proper (and simultaneously awesome) underwear. Bedazzled ninjas, plaid, boyshorts, an anthropomorphized cartoon burger, argyle, extra stretch, pink lace? Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, heck yes, and yes. But never, ever let me see it. Improper underwear? Anything ill-fitting or made by the big-headed lady on Designing Women. (And/or anything that sticks up out of your jeans and barely covers your tramp stamp strategically placed, lower back body art, when you bend down to tie your kid’s shoe.)
2) Make references to 90s television shows. One I refer to all the time? Saved By the Bell. “I haven’t felt this anxious since watching Jessie overdose on caffeine pills on the night she was supposed to perform with Hot Sundae.” Refer your prepubescent children to the “No Hope with Dope” infomercial on youtube BEFORE they enter junior high. You get bonus points for buying me a Bayside t-shirt. I’m an adult size small. (Teach your kids the lyrics to Reading Rainbow & make them sing it with a deep, black man voice? Yeah, ‘cause that’s how I do.)
3) Make a playlist of 90s pop songs, including MMMbop and anything by Nsync. Play on repeat in car. Dance accordingly. (I’m listening to N’Sync right now, but super glad Justin has moved well beyond the ugly years.)
4) Shower daily. I have not met one awesome person with poor hygiene. There’s a reason for that. Don’t overdo the perfume, either. Some women have love affairs with those sickeningly sweet body sprays from Victoria’s Secret. When you wear them all at the same time, you smell like a bunch of strippers and old ladies hanging out in an elevator. (Translation = no bueno.) (But smelling like teen spirit is okay in your book, right? Sure as heck hope so.)
5) Be nice to people. :) No one likes the mean kid. (But you have to admit, the mean kid plays a role in society. Just like the dumb kid, the ugly kid, and the really sickeningly fat kid. Makes your own kid look less like an annoying brat, and more like an angel.)
Got five more? Let’s hear ’em. (We love comments.)
Didn’t like this post? Blame Dumb Mom. (Don’t you dare.)
Loved it? Come visit me over at NiceGirlNotes. (And then come back and thank Dumb Mom for setting you up with this miracle blogger. I make people, you know? It’s what I do.)