Now I know What NOT to Wear. Dumb Mom on TV.

This feels weird.

Typing a post on my own couch while making every attempt to completely ignore my children The Dudes climb all over me and ask me strange questions about my trip (#2 wants to know if anyone saw my undies while I was away.  What the?!).

I’m home from NYC and I think I might miss it a little.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m so super happy to be able to sniff my little people’s necks in the morning (it’s a sweet, pungent smell that makes me want to lick them and puke on them all at once).  But, it’s a hard adjustment.

While I was away, getting all done up by the notorious style experts, I was completely taken care of.  I didn’t have to hear anyone screaming (not at me anyway).  I didn’t have to clean up messes.  And no one was complaining about their food, or their clothing, or getting up, or going to bed, or wearing underwear or brushing their teeth or combing their hair or, um, me.

No needy people who needed things that only I am qualified to take care of.

Heck, when I was filming the show, I didn’t even have to take care of myself!

Dumb Mom was hungry? 

Food appeared.  Magically.  I guess the food fairies brought it.  But, not the same ones who work here.

Dumb Mom was thirsty? 

Water (or soda, or juice, or whatever).  Outta nowhere.  Perfectly chilled and ready to drink.

Tired?  Well, no one really cared if I was tired, but they’d bring me coffee (a fancy little latte even) if it happened.

It was amazing.

Easy to get used to and amazing.

But, at the end of the week I was still exhausted.  And sad.  And lonely.  And missing my smelly, demanding, whining-crying-complaining-but-best-dang-huggers-this-side-of-the-Mason-Dixon little Dudes.

And, Dumb Dad.

Totally missed him too.

But enough about my awesome NYC makeover and week long TV show filming experience I plan to bore you with it all week anyway things were happening at Casa de Dummies too, even if I wasn’t here to micromanage witness them personally.

While I was away living it up like a friggin’ rockstar (don’t worry the bragging should subside in say, two to three days or so)…

  • #2 learned about the Abdominal Snowman.  Hilarious, right?!  The Abdominal Snowman.  That’ so cute I don’t even bother to correct him!
  • #3 grew at least an inch.  I mean, I’m just eyeballing it, but seriously, the kid looks like a friggin’ teenager he’s so tall.  What NOT to Wear if you’re #3?  Anything you were wearing a week ago!  All of his 4T pants are nearly too short.  And, let me just remind everyone, he’s TWO!
  • The Dudes survived.  I tell myself just barely, but I think I might be exaggerating entirely just teeny little bit.
  • Disney Social Media Moms registration came and went.  All I will say is that whole thing… C-R-A-Z-Y with a side of Crazy Sauce.  And, it’s like not even over!  People are like pissed about it.  Weird, right?!
  • We booked a winter weekend away!  That’s right, peeps.  The Dummies are hitting the road again courtesy of Great Wolf Lodge, Williamsburg.*  We’re driving down to the resort (they have an indoor water park) on Friday to enjoy Snowland (part of their holiday festivities involving indoor snow!) and take in a concert by Highway 101.  So much fun!  Except for if #1’s carsickness kicks in and he pukes the car again.  Not driving three hours smelling like decaying meat.  Been there.  Done that. 

Anyway, I’m home now and I’m ready to get back in the swing of things.

But, just to make sure, #2 accidentally-on-purpose knocked #3 down the stairs, causing him to get a nasty little bruise on his forehead on the exact day of my return (he actually lost his balance and #3 broke his fall).

Welcome home, Mommy.

At least I look pretty dang swanky breaking up fights and wrangling Dudes now.

That’s gotta count for something, right?!


And, the Dude inspired compliments!

#3 says I’m, “De bess Mommy eber,” and that I “wook wike a pitty pincess in my wed dress!” and he gave me a pretty sweet smile to prove it…

And, #1 and #2 were all big smiles too…

You know, before the face punching started back up.

Back in the saddle peeps.

Have a bright smile of your own to share? 

Be sure to enter the Bright Smiles, Bright Holidays Photo Contest sponsored by Invisalign Teen!  Your favorite, holiday brightening smiles could win you a $250 Amazon gift card just in time for holiday shopping!

*pBd Admits it’s Free: Not sure why I’m still saying this but, when I say fancy words like “courtesy of…”, “on behalf of…”, “thanks to…” and the like, it means I didn’t/won’t/can’t/wouldn’t/couldn’t pay for the item/event in question.  I accept various items/events free of charge because I want to.  I then say what I think about them in my own words.  They don’t pay me to be nice, people, they just pay me to show up.


  1. Shandra says

    So. I might be just a bit behind. :)
    I just sawthis episode but Capital L, Loved it. Loved you, your various smiles and all your transparent struggles.
    Hope you are great and well almost 2years later.
    Guess I ‘ll find out as i read on.

  2. Julie says

    Hi, I just watched the show today and had to search your blog online! So glad i found it (: I realise you were on the show years ago cause you wrote this in 2010, but I’m from Norway and I guess we are a bit behind (:

  3. GiGI says

    U Looked GREAT on the show !!! I hope u keep the look up that Clinton and Stacey helped u with…U ARE gorgeous !!!!!

  4. Beth Martin says

    Really LOVED the new look you ended up with on the show. The beautiful real you with the REAL smile!!

  5. says

    I absolutely LOVED the show. I recently had a work injury, which has caused me to be at home. I started a blog about childrens nurseries, playrooms, etc. that I am hoping to turn into a retail store when the economy recovers. I coud really relate to you because in my previous job I dressed and wore heels everyday, make up, hair, everything and now I wear sweats and my hair goes up in a ponytail. Watching the show made me realize I need to get back to the way used to be (at least a little).

  6. says

    Hey, just saw the episode of WNTW. You were so awesome. I’m so in the same place. Will be looking at your amazing style transformation as inspiration. Thank you!

  7. says

    I just saw you on WNTW and I loved your transformation. You are adorable, and beautiful! I am not a mommy, but I read a few dozen posts just to get to know you and the family a bit better. You are such a fortunate woman; not for WNTW, but for the lovely family you have. God bless you!

  8. says

    YOU are hilarious. I’m a longtime lurker, but I feel the need to add my two cents’ tonight because it needs to be known that you’re always gorgeous but that you were so TOTALLY Smoky McSmokerista at your reveal that you have no idea. HOT is the understatement of the year.

    I have picts–I promise I’ll upload them and send them your way as soon as I get through my oldest’s bday weekend.


  9. says

    i’m glad you had fun and had people taking care of you for a change!

    1. totally not even going to lie i didn’t see what was so funny about the abdominal snowman. had to read it a few times LOL.

    2. we totally have those same little red button down flannel pjs.

  10. says

    OK, so I know you missed your men while away (happens to me too) but I don’t CARE!!!! I’m so jealous of the trip to NYC and the makeover and the pampering, and the instant snacks and coffee bar!!

    I don’t think anyone cares enough about my slovenly appearance and crooked teeth enough to nominate me for such an escape. Seriously, my hair is too stiff with days of hairgel to fix today so it is stuffed in a beanie hat (i’ll spare you the rest of the self portrait). I do shower. But hair and makeup are for special occasion effort only these days.

    I can’t wait to see the show, though, so I can bad mouth your luck from my couch in my holey sweatpants. When and where do I look for your debut?

    • Dumb Mom says

      Bad mouth away. It was worth it! And, the show comes on TLC, but my episode won’t air until 2011 is well underway. Will notify you (and the rest of the world!) when it’s scheduled!

  11. Paulina J! says

    That is so freaking cool! I love that show and I hope you had lots of fun spending it up! If it were me I would be bragging until the clothes wear out. How cute are kids?!? I love the smile on #3, kinda melts your heart. Have you seen the post on Angie’s blog?

    • Dumb Mom says

      Not sure yet. I will let everyone know when it’s scheduled, but right now they are just saying sometime in 2011, possibly Spring.

  12. says

    WTH is Disney social media moms or whatever it was called (I’m too lazy to scroll back up and look) and how could people be pissed about it?

    I can’t wait to see your show. You have to let us know when it airs because I don’t normally watch, but I’ll totally DVR it for you.

    • Dumb Mom says

      Disney Social Media Moms is one of the most coveted conferences of all time. From what I hear. I guess people were just upset because there are so few spots and EVERYONE (aside from me) wanted them. I mean I’m all for going to Disney (and it’s like a super low price), BUT I am not a fan of going on vacation & working the whole time. Or going to Disney w/o The Dudes. Just felt wrong. And, also not free. Free I will wait in line for, discount, not so much.

      And, I don’t watch either:)

  13. says

    OMG. O-M-G!!!! Did you self-nominate or did one of your well-meaning-yet-totally-embarrassing friends or family members kindly do it for you? Because I’m in desperate need of a fashion intervention myself. (As I sit here wearing a sweatshirt I bought from a yard sale … in 1992!!!)

    That’s so awesome. I bet you feel spectacular!

    • Dumb Mom says

      BFF nominated me. Probably tired of me complaining about being a fashion Don’t. I’m a strange one though because I feel like I knew what was bad, I just sorta did it anyway! Well, I found out just how bad it was when I got in the 360 mirror! No way can you ever wear anything again after you’ve seen it in 360 degrees!

  14. says

    I so need to go on that show. I know that’s terrible for me to say, but I know I belong there. Jdaddy is tired of me dressing like an “old mom” and says I need to dress my age.

    I can’t wait to see your show. I’m so psyched for you!

    • Dumb Mom says

      Thanks, Sunday! It was AMAZING. And it was BFF. Think she just got tired of me borrowing her clothing and crying about what to wear! She loves me so she did it b/s she knew I needed it. And, probably because she wants to borrow my gear:)

  15. says

    Really???? REALLY? You got on that show? You are incredible! How lucky! Who set you up? Why haven’t you blogged more about it? And my 2 year olds are in 3 and 4T already too! What is it with the sizing? Or do we have gigantic children? I guess when my 9 month old hits the 18-24 month sizes I shouldn’t be surprised that my children are considered large.

    So excited to watch your show, do you know when it airs?

    • Dumb Mom says

      You sound very positive about this. But, you know, you get on that show for being a fashion NIGHTMARE, right?! I mean I had to watch my secret footage and get in the 360 mirror. ACK! Haven’t really blogged about it much because I can’t (don’t wanna ruin the show) and I’ve been busy. Will share tidbits this week and when it airs. Which won’t be until sometime in 2011.

      Dude #3 is a gigantor. Not sure why but he’s not even on the chart the have at the doctor’s office anymore!

    • Dumb Mom says

      Yep! I really did What NOT to Wear. Just got home from filming it all week on Saturday. It was cool actually, very.

      And thanks, they were cute for about 2 seconds when I got home:)

      • Carol says

        I DVR the program and just finished watching it. I was sad for you in the beginning because your are truly beautiful but I understand exactly how you felt. You were like a cocoon that transformed into a beautiful butterfly. Keep display your “real smile” and remain the beautiful young lady that you are. BTW your family is precious.