I’m doing one of those totally cliché it’s-the-end-of-the-year-so-let’s-look-back-and-countdown-the-awesomeness lists for you guys.
Why am I doing this you ask?
Couple of reasons.
One, I need to add some more numbered lists and likely-to-be-searched-for-by-normal-people topics to this blog for SEO purposes. It is my desire to employ all forms of trickery to get people to come here by mistake in order to boost my numbers. If you would read daily and tell all of your pals about me, I wouldn’t need to resort to such. You fail me readers, so this.
Two, I want to.
Good enough for you?!
Top 11 Dumb Mom Discoveries of 2011
1. A&E. I vaguely recall hearing about this network sometime in the late 90s. But, thanks to my rapidly declining taste in television programming and my increasing age, A&E and I have gotten reacquainted recently. Well, only on Tuesday nights and other days they decide to play marathons of Storage Wars. I flippin’ LOVE that show.
2. The Khardashians. As a self-proclaimed smut TV watcher, I will admit to watching my fair share of stuff that pretty much only gorillas like (yeah, I’m talking about Flavor of Love). I’ve got nothing against them (no one can annoy me more than those housewives in Atlanta), but, even I am flabbergasted at the number of people who enjoy and find interest in the Khardashians (they have more than one hour a week dedicated to their shenanigans). Even our own president knows who they are! And, not you too Barbara Walters?! Clearly you are senile have fallen victim to Kim’s good looks.
3. NASA was still doing the whole space shuttle thing? Only, now they’re not anymore. Personally, I figured they’d retired the entire space exploring fleet of astronauts or whatever when people sorta got over hating Russia, but apparently no? I mean, once they sent a monkey to space I naturally assumed we were over that whole humans-on-the-moon thing. Apparently not. But, now we are. For real.
4. People don’t watch soap operas anymore. Not the good ones anyway. After a bunch of years (Google it if you need to know) Erica Kane is no longer marrying her daughter’s husbands. It’s a sick world we live in when there is no room for Erica Kane.
5. Mayer Hawthorne. I appreciate when a white dude is cool enough to pull off R&B just like I appreciate the unexpected, but totally fitting, curse word thrown into a song about love. My boy Mayer covers both.
6. Charlie Sheen is hilarious. Possibly annoying. Definitely insane. And all the way freaking funny. I say that’s winning. Or should I say, “bi-winning”?!
7. It’s totally cool for a 16 year old girl to marry a 50-something year old man. Totally. No one cares if it makes you wanna gag.
8. Sax solos are NOT dead after all. Matter of fact, they may be just what a song needs to up its awesome. Seriously, Katy Perry smashed this year with her jams. I don’t think it had anything to do with Kanye and his appearance on her remix. I think it was the other one. With the sax solo. That’s what changed the game for KP. I dabbled in sax for a bit; I’m thinking I need to pick that bad boy back up.
9. Katy Perry also helped me discover that this is what people think “looking pregnant” looks like. To me this is “looking like you had a good lunch at Macaroni Grill”. This, friends, is “looking pregnant” (at a mere 6 months gestation!)…
You know, if you’re a regular human growing a big ole baby and stuff.
10. Dogs will do your bidding. If there is food involved, a moderate amount of love, and none of the bullcrap from the saddest TV commercial in the world featuring that Sarah McLaughlin song that makes you want to cry so hard you puke out your nose. They will wear jerseys and tutus and let your small children explore their nether regions with pointy objects and fingers.
That’s what being a part of a family is about anyway, right? Sacrifice.
11. I’m chubby because I eat crap. I just realized that I’ve spent right around $500 this year at McDonald’s alone. Not because my kids like it; because I like it. And, not because I get salads or anything even remotely good for me when I go. I like a Mango Pineapple Smoothie with a medium fries on the side, thank you very much! But, if I would take the $500 bucks, and instead buy some more fresh fruit and veggies and maybe even that new pair of ballet flats I’ve had my eye on, I might actually be happier! Definitely healthier. Hopefully even cuter and thinner too! And maybe, just maybe, this healthier-cuter-happier lifestyle might rub off on The Dudes a bit. So, I’m making a change people. I’m vowing to stay our of Mickey Ds (and every other fast food establishment) for the duration of January (and hopefully longer, but let’s not get crazy). And, just to up the awesome on this whole thing, I’m going to cook at home! Like a regular human. Of course I will be sharing my 30 Days of Home Cooked Happiness with you guys here (while I also lose weight, get organized, and learn to make my own jewelry because I’m a crazy person who clearly enjoys torturing herself by not sleeping ever). You can also keep up with my trying-to-be-healthier-and-more-awesome-overall in the Horizon Healthy Families Community on Blog Frog.
Made any awesome discoveries of your own in 2011?
Or, maybe you just wrote a seriously awesome blog post this year that didn’t get the play you know it deserved? Let me help you with that!
Link up your Best of 2011 posts here, I’ll pop over and read ‘em (since I’m on break from now until 2012) and share them with my pals!