My kids have publicly embarrassed me more times than I can count on pretty much every appendage the human body possesses.
It’s cool.
I mean I know I’m not the only mom whose kids do this stuff.
Okay, probably I am. I mean when’s the last time your child sang a fat song about you at the grocery store? Or asked if the check out girl-boy-person was a, um, girl or a boy within clear view and earshot of the gender questionable individual?
And, don’t even get me started on the dressing room antics. The mommy-where’s-your-peepee-is-that-hair-I-see-your-boobies-that-lady-has-a-big-butt-I-can-see-her-under-the-door-she’s-NAKED running monologues make me want to hang myself from a Target purse hook.
I swear if I never have to take any of these small humans into a public disrobing room (that includes bathrooms, dressing rooms, and especially, swimming pool locker rooms) ever again, I will be a happy woman.
I don’t need diamonds. I don’t need pearls. I just need the opportunity to try on a friggin jumpsuit (I kid, I don’t wear jumpsuits and probably never will) without commentary, interjection, and/or exploding from the room while I’m halfway butt naked courtesy of the peanut gallery (and for the record, stores with curtains instead of doors with deadbolts, clearly are sending a message to moms every where that they, and their spawn, are not welcome in those retail locations).
So, yeah.
My kids embarrass me. And my relatives. And innocent bystanders. And probably even you if you ever accompany us to a public location.
Mama Kat asked us to post about a time our children embarrassed us in public on this week’s Writer’s Workshop so I’m sharing a repost (it’s the ninja one, so if you’ve read it, feel free to go hang out on Pinterest instead) because, fortunately, I’ve not had the pleasure of being so humiliated since this episode. Which either means my kids are finally learning about discretion, or I’m due for a massive incident.
I’m guessing the latter…
Dude #3 is obsessed with ninjas.
Obsessed.
He’s spent a good chunk of his afternoons perfecting the “ninja jump” (must be a soft-so-you-can-barely-hear-it landing), the ninja kicking-punching-with-spooky-fierceness sequence (pretty much just wild movements, simulating attacking with a pair of invisible nunchucks), and the ninja eyes (not anywhere near as threatening as they sound).
He even briefly considered being a ninja for Halloween.
But, somehow Scooby, and Wolverine, and Box-Bot, and some-other-random-costume-that-I-didn’t-have-to-purchase won out.
Last Christmas we shot up to PA to enjoy A Very Furry Christmas at Sesame Place.
The park was relatively uncrowded and we spent a full day there having a blast.
Climbing all over the rope things like bumbling idiots all agile like…
Throwing up the deuces with the holiday themed props…
What? Oh, yeah sure, the kid was there too. Kicking it on Sesame Street…
And, telling Santa he wants a giraffe for Christmas. A REAL one. To keep in his backyard (thank you Santa for saying giraffes don’t really like to fly in cramped sleighs)…
Everything was going according to plan.
And then.
Outta nowhere.
Right when we were sprinting over to the tea cup ride while everyone else in the park set up to watch the parade (yes, we employ Stage 5 amusement park techniques at all times), a ninja showed up!
#3 busted into his ohmygosh-I-can’t-believe-my-eyes-this-is-SO-stinkin’-awesome happy dance.
He pointed frantically, grinning ear to ear, and yelled, “WOOK MOMMY! IT’S A NIIIIIIIINJJJJJJJJA!”
Only, you know what folks?
It wasn’t a ninja.
It was a lady clad head to toe, with only her eyes peeking out, in a jet black burkha and abaya.
Pretty much just like this, minus the cellphone…
Source: Uploaded by user via Francisco on Pinterest
Awesome.
And also, horrifying.
Because she was standing right. Next. To him. And people from all around us turned to look (seriously, they were just as excited to see a ninja as he was).
Of course my first reaction was to kick his hand and tackle him to the ground while clamping my hand over his completely unfiltered and unnaturally loud mouth frantically hush him while attempting to stifle my laughter because seriously, it was sorta funny in a not-really-funny-because-I’m-mortified-sorta-way and I have a serious problem with inappropriate laughter apologize to the ninja woman. And all of the onlookers.
For the actions of my presumably uncouth child.
But, in my his defense, he truly wasn’t being mean or insensitive.
It was just his first time seeing a real life ninja.
Or, what he assumed was one.
And, he’d certainly never encountered someone dressed like that.
So you can’t blame him for his mistake really.
But I guess you could blame me?
His outburst just got me thinking.
Have I done enough to expose my children to people with differences?
We’ve discussed people that have physical differences; like little people (they saw one at the circus and thought he was a kid with a mustache and they wanted to immediately grow one too) and people who use wheel chairs (they are actually jealous because they don’t ever have to walk anywhere) for example.
Plus, they know all about being different from first hand experience. They’ve been “the only” many times before and have had other kids point it out to them in ways that made them ask questions and feel uncomfortable.
So, yeah, it’s come up.
But, we’ve not covered EVERYTHING.
I like to think that I generally have done a good job of teaching them to save their questions for later and keep their pointing fingers in their pockets. We talk about how behaving that way is a demonstration of both your poor home training and your ignorance. Plus they hurt!
And make mommy look like a loser which we just can’t have!
Pointing, gaping, staring, and other such behaviors are discouraged and reprimanded.
But, this was different.
He was just so overwhelmed with excitement at seeing his celebrity crush in the flesh (I’d point too if Justin Timberlake walked up in this piece) that it got the best of him.
Plus, we’d spent the previous 3 hours pointing and yelling with excitement at Elmo, and Big Bird, and Cookie Monster as they paraded through the park, I guess he just assumed the ninja was another one of the characters Sesame Place was rolling out for his enjoyment. Never mind that there isn’t a ninja on Sesame Street (although, I’d like to argue that there should be).
Total misunderstanding.
That hopefully doesn’t reflect on my parenting skills, or lack thereof.
So, how do you deal with these situations in public?
I seriously considered sweeping his leg, but I’ve heard that sort of thing is frowned upon as a legitimate behavior modification tool?
Don’t have any advice? Feel free to instead share your most horrifying kid moment; you know, to make me feel better!
*Today’s post was inspired by Mama Kat’s Writer’s Workshop.
When my daughter was 3, we were in the grocery store when a hunched over little old lady dressed all in black with a black shawl walked past us. I’m hoping she was very hard of hearing because she didn’t get far before my darling child asked, “Mommy, is that a witch?” About that time the lady walked away around the corner and the clerk who was stocking the shelves about busted a gut trying not to laugh loudly enough to be heard. I just quickly pushed the shopping card in the other direction. What can you do? To her it was a legitimate question!
Our neighbor had prosthetic legs…
One day we stoppped over to say hello and he was taking a break from them. Because it was his house and he could.
MOMMY, WHY DOESN’T MR. JACK HAVE LEGS???
Yeah, we had talked about it already. They were 4 or 5.
Feel better?
If not, I have more…
The Dudes have done this stuff so many times. But never so loud. And obvious. This is why I was a little happy that #1 didn’t even learn to talk until he was like 4!
Oh I totally see why he would think this! It is such an innocent and “kid” mistake! My son has (finally) learned to keep questions to himself until we are in private … but I can always tell when he is bursting with them. I distinctly remember the first time we saw a “little person” and he was asked repeatedly and loudly “Why is that man so short, Mommy? Why is he so short?” Sigh.
Visiting from Mama Kats.
That is AWESOME. And you’re right, you just can’t cover everything, especially not with a kid that little.
I think she should have done a few kicks to make his day.
A few years ago my husband and I were at the beach and he said “OMG look, PILGRIMS!”
They were NUNS.
And this man is an adult.
So yeah. You’re doing fine. ;-)
I AM FANNING MYSELF! I literally almost choked on my toast. My coworkers think I’m insane but come on…Pilgrims? I AM CRYING!
And now I’m crying picturing you laugh crying at this comment. Can you imagine if we were altogether and heard this. GREAT case of the giggles.
Easily the best laugh I’ve had all day!
OMG – hilarious! I love it. Thanks for making my morning!
LOL! Leave it to #3.
I’m laughing so hard at dysfunctional mom’s (Cyndi) comment about her husband. HAHAHAHA.
In the grocery store, the oldest was about 4 maybe, and LOOKING IN THE CASHIER’S FACE but talking to me, she asks “Why does she have a manstache?” Complete with finger point to make sure I knew who she was referring to. The other was about 5 (5!) when she saw a man in the mall in jeans, a red cap and a sweatshirt from behind. He was extremely obese. She runs up to him and screams, “Fat Albert, can I take a picture with you? Why’re you here at the mall today? Is there a new movie?” (She’s saying the other two questions as I drag her away).
I love reality with kids…ha, ha!! I hope those lovely ladies could actually laugh at what little ones think..and say!!! Hilarious:)
Story: Grocery Store toy aisle with a beginning talker….he found his most favorite toy and yelled ” Mommy- *uck! *uck!” and of course Mommy very loudly agrees, “Right…that’s a truck, honey!”
My son (almost 3) pronounces Thomas(the train) as “bad-@ss”. I am that mom that says very loudly “yup, that’s right, Thomas”. We have tried correcting how he says it but he is insistent that he is saying it right.
Well really you can’t expose them to everything until you, ya know, expose them to everything. Sometimes that leads to embarrassment. I don’t think he said anything all that wrong. I wouldn’t have been offended if I was her.
One time we were in the grocery store. Big Girl was about four and this very, very elderly couple walked by us and spoke to her (damn cute kids). After we passed she said, “Momma those people were so old they look like they should be dead,” very loudly. I just hope they were hard of hearing.
Do you know hard it is to bust a gut QUIETLY? Fantastic post. I think you did fine. Don’t sweat it. I totally agree with what’s already been said. I hope the ladies had a sense of humor and are now thinking of themselves (maybe a little secretly) as ninjas. Heck, I want to be a ninja! :\ *giggle*
Stumbled across your blog from a totally unrelated search (thanks, Google)! I’ll be back! If you need a little vacation, come visit Crazyville and have a cup of coffee. It’s on the house.
OMG hilarious story and comments that followed. As a mother of a bunch of kids, I can tell you that you are doing just great!
I think the comments are almost as funny as your post, and I bust a gut on that one! Hilarious!
We are living proof that you can’t prepare for every eventuality. One of the early words that Turbo started using was “Chihuahua” and it quickly became a way to reprimand her brothers and sister. Who would have ever thought that this was a problem? We were in an office, and a little girl was fascinated by the baby, and made the mistake of touching the car seat. Turbo glared at her and yelled “NO TOUCH MY BEEBEEBYE, CHIHUAHUA!”
Everyone in the waiting room was Hispanic, including the little girl in question. The mother dropped her phone, and everyone else looked like they had sucked on lemons. Fortunately, our turn came up, and I slunk out of there as fast as I could, apologizing profusely all the way.
Who would have thought?
holy crap i am laughing so hard! that is so funny!!!! chihuahua will be my new go-to phrase :)
Great story! I think every kid does this at some point. You handled it quite well. You can’t cover everything until it happens. My nephew thought a light-skinned black man at Target was Barack Obama and loudly announced it in the middle of the store. The dude looked NOTHING like our president. Luckily, he had a sense of humor. The same boy has since learned to contain his questions until later.
This? Hilarious, as in laugh-out-loud. What a dude. Love it!
I think it’s an easy mistake to make, and I could imagine my daughter saying the same. She’s been known to say rather awkward things at awkward moments.
Don’t feel bad, ‘kay?
It isn’t in a crowded place but I can only imagine all the silent laughing that goes on. We are mid-way through Potty training and in trying to keep mess down I tell my son when sitting on toilet he has to point his stuff down. So now EVERY time he has to go in public restroom he tells me-quite loudly- “J go Potty. J point it down”! Old ladies crack up at this when they see just who was announcing his business.
We’ve had some doozies over the years but I’m not sure it’s been anything as awesome as this one! Love it.
Oh my gosh, I laughed so hard at this. I’m waiting for the day my kids make me laugh/embarass me by saying something totally inappropriate. When I was a kid, I remember asking my mom in Friendly’s why a man was so fat-she was mortified. The man told me he was so fat because he needed to eat more salads, lol.
Oh my gosh, I can totally imagine this. AND see how a kid could make that error. It’s really not something you see every day, and not something I would even think about. My son is 5, and when he sees a really pregnant woman, sometimes he’ll point out that they’re fat. Then I have to explain, no they’re pregnant. We’ve had talks about how even if people are fat (like Mommy) that it can hurt their feelings if you say it to them. But you just never know what is going to go on in a kid’s head.
This made my morning, kids will be kids lol
Your response wouldn’t have been much better than mine. Knowing me and my awkwardness I probably would have explained to them, “Well, in his defense, you DO kind of resemble the only idea of a Ninja he knows.” And then threw up because, I MADE IT WORSE! We can only cover so many topics with our kids before they start tuning us out.
oh my gosh laughing. so. hard.
Out of the mouthes of babes:)
Looks like such a fun time though! Cuties!!
Okay honestly- I probably would have laughed so hard that I would have peed.
Just b/c it never occurred to me to show my boys pics of people who dress like that and talk about it. So, a ninja would be a reasonable thing for them to think.
Though I then would have been mortified.
I married a Yemeni man and had many of his female cousins from Yemen attend our wedding in London. They were there covered from head to toe. All the women sat together at one table with the husbands at another. We were greeted when we arrived at the reception with that very high-pitched yayayayaya from the group. After that they pretty much kept to themselves.
Later in the week I attended a women only reception in my honor at a flat of one of the Yemeni families. Just to let you know when the burkhas and the hijabs are removed in the company of other women – watch out! The women I met had me in stitches the entire time. We laughed, we danced and we shared stories. So, the ninja lady was probably giggling under her head covering unbeknownst to you and #3.
I love this.
My daughter is a big time pointer at people who catch her interest and she has a loud voice, so it’s always fun when she asks, “Why is that man/woman ______________?” And even when I bring her arm down and quietly ask her not to point and keep her voice down, she puts her arm right back up and says, “But, why? Why is that man/woman_____________?”
We try to talk about how the many ways people can be different, too. But seeing it in the flesh is just too much, sometimes.
Rembot and I were at a department store, and a very tall, rather zaftig woman was wearing purple from head to toe. Rembot was DELIGHTED and screamed, “HIIIIII!! HIIIII, BARRRRNEYYYYY!”
oh. my. god. this had me literally laughing out loud at many points during my reading of your post. my guy is still little so i haven’t had to deal with this kind of situation quite yet but i am terrified. my mom likes to tell the story about how I asked really loudly “WHY DID THAT MAN COLOR ALL OVER HIS ARMS?” and pointed at a bad ass looking biker dude covered in tattoos.
oh yeah, and that santa was awesome for deflecting the giraffe request so well.
That is by far the funniest story i’ve heard today! Just when I was coming to check out and catch up on your blog I find myself running to the bathroom(all the dang water i’ve been drinking on this healthy journey) I think i’d pretty much react the same. My kids haven’t said anything too crazy but i agree that sometimes we are focused on learning about other differences that there’s no way we can cover them all. We live and we learn right? Love your peace sign pic good times at Sesame Place :)
love it! i took my son to preschool this week and one of the teacher aides had written ninja day on the board (i honestly don’t know why… maybe i should have been worried). i pointed it out and in the most serious and quiet little voice he asks, “am I gonna have to fight ninjas?” he needs lessons from your little dude for next time!
Sometimes you’ve gotta just roll with it. As my husband recently pointed out, kids can get away with some things that older folks can’t. Thankful for that every day!
Thank you for the laugh!
Thank goodness because my son tests this theory weekly. And, since he is hard of hearing, it makes all of his proclamations loudly. Very, very loudly!
DEAD. Once I read who the “ninja” actually was I was seriously cracking up. OMG. While at our local aquarium, my 2.5 year old declared while standing in the bathroom stall with me while I was using the facilities: “MAMA HAVE DIAPER?!?!?! MAMA DIAPER?!”
She was referring to the sanitary pad on my panties.
I stopped by from Mama Kat’s and glad I did. I will be back!
I feel your pain. We had friends over once and she had run out of diapers for her baby. My son ran upstairs, got a pad and brought it back to her to use. Best part? She did!
Once when my (then three year old) daughter was in the gas station with my husband around Christmas, she encountered a little person. I KNOW we had discussed this before and my mommy-powers usually alert me to such things in enough time to divert her attention. However, daddy does not have this skill, because she did see him, and had time to walk right over and ask if he was a REAL ELF!
Luckily, he was a very good sport, and had some mumbojumbo about scoping things out before Santa’s big run, winked, and left. I was SO embarassed when I heard the story. To this day, my husband has no idea why.
I’m glad you shared this one again.
Being embarrassed by our kids is some rite of passage or parenthood, right?
I re-read, because I have the WHOLE rest of the day to waste… I just realized…That may look like a ninjas gear, but by if that girl were truly a ninja, she wouldn’t have let you see her. No?
Yeah, because, no, I really don’t have the rest of the day to waste.
OMGOSH!!! I am so LMAO right now…sorry, I know you were mortified but wait….wait…wait…sorry, I had to gather myslef before continuing…LOL!
Man, this is gonna help me through the rest of the day…naw, make that the week, maybe month!!
I love it.
Hysterical. I hope the burkha ladies had a sense of humor. I mean, it’s not like he said they were fat or something. I’m thinking ninja is a complement!
I remember having a good chuckle the first time I read this story… and I chuckled again today.
And running commentaries in change rooms and public toilet cubicles? YES. My daughter has a special knack for that.
OMG that is so embarrassing. For some reason I can’t think of my own kid related one. Clearly I’ve blocked it. Though I can think of many embarrassing moments that didn’t involve my children.
I think one of the cutest thing about kids is their innocence. They can say everything they want out of pure honesty. I remember when we’re on the local bus and my kid pointed out to the man next to us and said “Look dad, there’s Jesus” (the man was bearded). I wanted to shrink right at my spot. I don’t know what to say so I just gave the man an awkward smile. I think the old man was nice since he was just laughing at my kids comment about him.