Is my baby.
He is four. And OHMYFREAKINGGOODNESSICANNOTEVENBLEIEVEIT! He was featured last week on Buzz Feed for being one of the 50 Kids that are cooler than you. Because he totally is, right? RIGHT?!
And he’s the last of my Dudes who is still sort of sized just right to crawl into my lap and who also still will without threats or bribes.
Science says I will never have another baby again.
Not one from my own womb anyway.
And, meany-face Dumb Dad is not interested in adding to our brood in any way, shape, or form, so we won’t be adopting either. So, unless someone leaves a newborn baby girl on my doorstep (this situation is excluded from the no-more-babies-rule because, clearly, it’s fate) I will never own another human baby again.
My glory days of baby gear shopping and nursery decorating and rubbing on my fetus filled belly are done. Sometimes I cry over this fact. Hard. Really, really hard.
As much as my heart swells and my womb throbs when I see a new babers, there are a number of perks to life with 3 Dudes who can talk, walk, and fully control their bladders (even if they are still ruled by the goings on of their intestines and find the need to randomly, um, “drop the kids off at the pool” when we are actually at the pool, or soccer, or the mall, or anywhere).
Recently I took my two oldest and two of their buds bowling…
We rented funky shoes, and ate greasy food, and even dropped a couple 5 spots in the arcade.
It was so. Much. Fun.
Of course I beat them, badly, at bowling, but for once, that wasn’t even the highlight of my excursion.
It was fun to get to just talk to them. And eavesdrop on them listen to them talk. And then trash talk them about how badly I was planning to pwon them in bowling. And then laugh with them about it when I did.
At one point I got this weird sensation; it moved all over my body and I felt all tingly. Like the probably-I’m-gonna-pass-out-now type of tingly.
I started to panic until I realized it was relaxation.
I was relaxed!
No one to chase after. No one to yell at. No one to smack dirty floor fries away from.
No crying, no whining, no begging, no tantruming. In fact, the entire day was completely devoid of tears (big dudes don’t cry in public, they just don’t) and it was weird.
So I went in the bathroom and cried (because big moms do cry in public when they realize their babies aren’t really babies anymore and the overwhelming emotions of that discovery won’t be beat back even if you are in the middle of a bowling alley).
And then I spent the rest of the afternoon high fiving those Dudes and relaxing my face off.
I’ve decided that I am going to hold on to #3 for as long as it’s not creepy and socially debilitating and then I am going to let go and completely enjoy my new role as chaperone to Dude fun.
I’ve also become quite the expert in giving other people who do have babies sweet gifts.
I constantly buy adorableness for my goddaughter.
And, I had a blast searching for something unique for my homegirl, Roo (Roo-Dog, Rooski, Roostanator, I’m trying out cool nicknames for her right now and can’t seem to settle on just one), when she welcomed her newest human.
I even made an appearance on ABC in DC recently (and by recently I mean RIGHT NOW! I’m heading in to film it right now!) to share some cool stuff to give moms-to-be.
Because my life as a baby-mama-has-been totally makes me an expert.
And, since I personally have absolutely no use for any of these items I am going to give them all to one of you (although I have considered the hip carrier for the 4 year old, I think putting him in a baby carrier would really strengthen our bond a bit)!
4 GREAT BABY GIFTS FOR NEW AND EXPECTANT PARENTS
How do you get in on all of this awesome? Easy…
1. Make sure you live in the USA, and are a full blown grown up with an address and stuff.
2. Leave a comment on this post sharing the most useful, adorable, unique, or just down right awesome baby gift you’ve ever given or received.
3. Read parenting BY dummies every single day. Okay, you don’t actually have to do this one, but I want you to. Badly.
Contest closes June 19th at midnight Eastern time.
*pBd Official like contest rules: Winner will be selected by random drawing on 6/20/12. Only winners who meet guidelines 1 &2 above will be entered into the drawing. Only one entry per person is allowed.