We. Are. Home.
And, no one even burglarized us while we were gone!
And I was really hoping someone would break in and steal my cruddy old-homicide couch.
But, it’s still here, dang it.
And, after more than 16 hours in the car with three loud-talking-ants-in-their-pants Dudes, I have to admit, I’m pretty happy to be sitting on this ugly, old thing.
Not because we didn’t have fun. Because we did. Soooo much fun.
It’s just that fun is exhausting you know?
Especially when you have to drive to have fun. And, when you get there, you have to walk to have fun. And then, you have to wrangle your kids so other people can have fun too. And you also have to keep them from getting lost, filthy, injured, or dead, because that’s not fun to anybody. Only to get back in your car and drive to get back home.
I’m hardly alive thanks to all of that regular travel stuff and the nasty summer cold I contracted while hiking in the wilderness and spelunking in some Virginia cavern.
And I need to rejuvenate before I head out of town again on Wednesday.
Feel free to send healing cupcakes vibes my way.
Still have a road trip ahead of you this summer?
Here are some tips to help!
Dumb Mom’s Guide to Hitting the Road with Kids and Keeping Your Wits About You While You Do it
1. Pack snacks. Seriously the promise of snackage is the only thing that keeps The Dudes from going batcrap crazy before we even get out of the neighborhood. I always bring something fun like Funyuns, just to have something to lord over their heads and keep them from beating each other senseless in the back seat. But, I also try to do something that makes me feel less sucky about my mommying skills. Like Muller* yogurt (throw an umlaut over that u in Muller and you’ve got it spelled right)! It’s a new-to-the-US, tasty yogurt treat with fun mix-ins that my kids will actually eat even when I don’t threaten to take something they love away from them. I have taken to hiding all of my favorite flavors from them so I can eat them in peace, but since all of the flavors are pretty dang awesome, it works out.
2. Bring entertainment. You guys aren’t even going to believe this, but I actually made. Some. Games for them. With MY HANDS! I featured Small Potatoes last week on the BList and she inspired me to make a few car games for my own Dudes to keep busy with. With just a few pieces of cardstock and some sort of manipulatives (which I have from my days in the classroom) and you can make a matching game your kids will enjoy too! Make those manipulatives edible bribes and you’re basically guaranteed some getting-along-ness for a good 15-20 minutes. You won’t look that gift horse in the mouth when someone get punched in the throat and barfs all over your back seat 45 miles from your house.
3. Take the scenic route. I know, it may add a little to your travel time, but it could be totally worth it. Your little people get to enjoy more of America’s beautiful countryside and you get to spend less time sitting behind a big rig with an exhaust pipe the size of your minivan blowing junk in your face. Need some ideas about where to catch up with some of these routes? Toyota** has teamed up with the Audubon Society to encourage families to Exit the Highway and spend extra time in nature learning about conservation efforts working to keep from sea to shining sea all pretty and stuff.
4. Travel at the right time. The “right” time is different for everyone. It used to be that late afternoon, during nap time was “right”. And then, ate at night or early in the mornings are best for us. Midday travel is horrible: we’re all wide awake, we’re snappy because we’re sick of being together, and it’s wicked hot. Midday travel quickly turns our car into a a bag of rattlesnakes at a Pentecostal Revival.
5. Just have fun. Or try to . Focus your mind. And then keep telling yourself that when you arrive it will be 5 o’clock somewhere and you can help yourself to a great big tumbler goblet of wine while the kids play on the LIFEGUARDED beach.
pBd disclaimer: Dumb Mom works with a variety of brands, Muller is one of them. They didn’t say I had to love their yogurt, I just do because it’s so friggin’ tasty and it’s a better morning meal selection than the bowl of chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream I had last week.
pBd disclaimer part deux: Dumb Mom is also homies with Toyota as part of the Toyota Women Influencers Network. They don’t pay me, but they are nice to me and share tons of cool info about their promos and stuff so I can tell you guys about them. They don’t tell me what to write here; this is all me!