Growing up my parents were all about chores.
Aside from going to school and rocking at it, we really only had one other thing to do: pull our weight at home and don’t be annoying about it.
They didn’t make us work outside of the home, although we were encouraged to if we wanted to have extra money, to buy Cross Colors t-shirts and junk. I foolishly got a job at a surf shop which didn’t help me in my quest nearly as much as I’d hoped (the, um, Cross Cross Colors selling store, wasn’t hiring).
Looking back, I do see that my parents were a tiny bit chauvinist pig-ish about the whole chores thing. I did “chick” chores and my brother mostly did “dude” chores.
Maybe this was because the two times my dad asked me to go out and mow the lawn I cried like he was asking me to go out and drown a couple of baby goats or something (I was afraid someone would come by and see me working in the yard, thereby removing whatever street cred I had built up to that point).
Probably he just got tired of my dramatics and left me to my mother.
Whatever the reason, I spent at least two-thirds of every weekend in the house scrubbing toilets, folding laundry, sweeping, mopping, intermittently avoiding my mother while hiding in the bathroom, and making that house shine for with my mom, while my brother spent about one quarter of his weekends in the garage playing with cars and standing around the yard trying to get someone else to mow it with my dad.
It’s no wonder I am such a hard worker and he’s, um, different.
I am taking a different approach with The Dudes.
Basically, I just don’t believe in “dude” chores and “chick “ chores. Maybe I would if there was a chick or two around here to brush some of this housework off on, but there’s not. And, it’s not fair that I have to stay in the house and cook and clean and fold and such while Dumb Dad gets to take them out in the yard and have them do his bidding for an hour and then spend the rest of the afternoon shooting hoops with them.
Totally no fair.
Plus, I want my Dudes to be able to take care of themselves. You know, in the unlikely event that they ever decide to move out of my Casa.
And, I want them to be of the awesome-to-marry sort so it will be easier for me to find them a wife they will be contributing members in their future relationships should they choose to marry who I pick someone. Which means, they can’t lay around scratching their junk and waiting for a woman (at this point, me) to pick up their socks and serve them hot wings.
So, I’m all about the adequate home training of young Dudes. Even if they rebel, even if they are sort of sucky at it, and even if no matter what I say or do, their inability to aim worth a darn makes me want to drown a goat my bathroom perpetually smell like a New Orleans bus station in the middle of Mardi Gras no matter how hard I clean it.
Dumb Mom’s Guide to Domesticating Dudes
1. Find things they can actually do. They can NOT ensure that all of the pee gets into the toilet. We’ve established that. But, they can do other things. What that is, of course, varies by age (see below). So, while my 10 year old has started washing, folding, and putting away his own clothing, a great chore for the 4 year old is simply putting his back pack away after school and making sure his underwear make it into the hamper (for the record, they mostly still don’t).
2. Be consistent. This is the number one parenting rule in every parenting book about being better at parenting ever made for parents, right? I mean, nothing ever works if you sorta do it when you feel like it and not so much other times. Same with chores. Once they know that doing a shoddy job at sweeping will get them out of it, you can rest assured that they will never get it right, ever. So, make them keep at it, even if that means you have to secretly go behind them and do it for real until they learn how to do it correctly.
3. Spend some time in training. This will help you in the long run. When #1 started being in charge of emptying the dishwasher, figuring it was pretty straight forward, I left him to it and went about my business with the joy upon my face of having one less chore on my plate. Only, not so fast. Because the very next time I went to get a drink I was nearly concussed by a downpour of plastic bowls crashing into my skull. Back to the drawing board with a session on the finer points of NOT jamming dishes into cupboards they clearly don’t fit into safely. Spend a little time here, and #2 might actually be easier for you too!
4. Don’t use it as a punishment and don’t reward them for doing it. Having responsibilities is part of life so we like to remind The Dudes that things like clearing the table and putting away their shoes is just what you have to do as a member of our family, and the human race. So, we don’t make them do their chores only to punish them and we, likewise, don’t reward them for doing them either. They are an expectation, and like all of the other expectations they have, they need to be done whether they’re stoked about it or not. That doesn’t mean we don’t give them allowances or require them to clean the toilet with a toothbrush when they’ve royally effed up. It just means that they have certain things they are required to do daily or weekly and those certain things are nonnegotiable no matter how awesome or annoying they are at any given moment (we do give them days off though, just because we like to).
5. Just do this and then revise as your children are able to handle more responsibility…
Naturally, #1 can do all of the things #2 & #3 can do, but we try not to make him feel like an indentured servant so we limit his responsibilities to just a few!
How do you get your kids to help out around the house?
This is timely, as Buddy has been asking for a little responsibility. I like the suggestions you listed.
Yes! Love that you said not to use it as a punishment and not to reward for doing chores, but to teach that there are responsibilities in life. We’re working with our 2 year old now on picking up her toys and letting her “help” with as many things as we can. She loves putting her own laundry in her drawers and helping put groceries in the fridge. I plan to teach her the “maid” game very very soon ;)
Ha, the maid game. My 2 yr old adores putting away groceries. Yes, sometimes he puts napkins in the fridge, but he’s getting better.
Was the Cross Colors store Up Against the Wall? If so, I swear you are my friend in my head, I so wanted to work there and buy all my clothes from there! But back to the subject at hand, my two (5yo & 2.5 yo) are responsilbe for picking up their toys, cleaning their plate/putting it in the sink, crumbs w/ the dirt devil, and the oldest just learned how to make his bed. I need to work harder on consistency because sometimes I just want them to GO TO BED and I will just pick up their mess so it will be done swiftly!
How do you get your kids to help out around the house? I BEAT ‘EM. (Sorry, I’m in an extremely silly mood and that was the most idiotic goofy thing I could think to say. I don’t really beat the angels).
My oldest, at 11, is responsible for bathrooms weekly and sweeping daily after dinner.
The middle girl, at 8, is responsible for emptying trash cans, removing anything from the floor that will hinder her sister’s perfect sweeping, and occasional dish washing (because she likes it and I’m capitalizing on this before it turns into why do IIIIIII have to do the dishes? (Um, you ate, didn’t you?)). The boy, at 2, is still working on putting away ANYTHING but he’s getting that biggest sister does NOT like toys in the floor when she is trying to sweep. Or anyone running through her small dust pile. Or anyone picking up random teeny tiny spiders from said small dust pile STOP IT, NASTY!). Both girls help with folding (got the middle girl being a master at the fitted sheet SAY WORD) and are responsible for putting her own clothes away. Away away, like where they belong away, not just on your bed for you to then move farther to the side each day until bam! they’re on the floor and GET UP, I JUST WASHED THOSE CLOTHES!
I agree that consistency is key and no, there’s no such thing as girl/boy chores. I always wanted to cut the grass, still do. My husband refuses to allow me. I actually WANT someone to come by and see me getting my mow on. I can do it. Just let me try, dag, you all protective with your tools and shi…stuff.
Definitely agree that chores are for the family. If you’re a member, you are required to do something around the house when asked. I’ve got 3 teenagers that all have crazy activity schedules. I usually don’t ask much of them chorewise during the week except to clean up their shoes and keep their backpacks out of the middle of the floor. However, usually every other week, we’ll have a few hours where each one is assigned a bathroom to clean and a floor of the house to vacuum and dust and of course their rooms to get ‘guest ready’(as opposed to ‘mom it’s good enough!!’). I am a little chauvinist. My only boy does have the added chore of taking the garbage out once a week. He, however, only has to clean the little powder room so it all works out… I give an allowance, but I always say that it’s an allowance for BREATHING not for doing chores. Their allowance can and does get taken away if they haven’t kept their bedrooms reasonably straightened, borrowed money from me (if I remember) for the movies or icecream with friends, etc…
This is one thing I am horrible about as a parent. I do all of the things I’m not supposed to do and none of the things I am supposed to do. We really need to work on this.
I can get a clean to the studs house in under an hour by telling them we’ll go to the amusement park.
Little dude can scratch his junk while he puts up his socks.
I’ve taken a break from nagging about anything but Algebra, this summer. It’s time to get back to work.
I have the hardest time with the second one. I just want to DO IT MYSELF AND GET IT DONE RIGHT sometimes. you know? Damn anal retentive self.
Okay love these tips! I always did chores– for money growing up. I keep meaning to my son (5) do them consistently, but I just haven’t been. When he starts kindergarten in the fall I want him to start making his bed and helping put dishes away and set the table more. He puts his clothes in the hamper every day and cleans his room (when we ask him) but I want it to become more routine.
You always make me smile. I love your approach and these are great tips. I ‘struggle with thinking it’s just easier to do it myself, but I want them all to be self-sufficient. The spouse I choose for them will love me then ;)