Planning to travel this summer, announce your itinerary online, and then leave your house unmanned for the boogie man and his homies to break into?
You should maybe rethink that strategy.
Personally, I have a brother the size of a bouncer and a dog that’s meaner than a lactating wild boar guarding the crib when we travel. Dog was unwilling to produce her scary face on command, but Bruncle sent along this gem to scare potential villains off preemptively…
If you break into The Casa after seeing that, you are seriously insane and you deserve an afternoon of dancing naked in my panties without interruption.
For on-the-go safety, we use top secret security codes on our electronics, never do online banking at random hotels or in airports, and only use credit cards and the small wads cash that we stash all over the multi-pocket fishing jackets that we all wear.
I’m a total liar.
We DO make my bouncer brother stay over, but our dog is about as docile as a dandelion. I travel with my laptop, cell phone, iPad, video camera, and every other pocket sized electronic I can get my hands on.
And I rarely use cash for anything, whether I’m on vacation or not. I’m just lazy like that.
But, after doing a teeny bit of research on how bad guys do what they do to get over on unsuspecting travelers, I may be changing my criminal inviting ways.
I’m just making it too easy for them.
Not that I’m even remotely worth robbing, but still, I don’t want to have to get all gangsta at the beach, or, um, spend an afternoon crying and snotting at the police station something. And, I seriously don’t want that for you either.
Dumb Mom’s Guide to Having a Safer, Worry Free Vacation This Summer
1. Be careful what you say online. I know, I know, oversharing is the fun part of blogging. But, do you really want to notify all the bad guys stalking you on Facebook that you’re leaving the family jewels (and that Range Rover you’ve been blogging about) at home, unattended, while you head to the South of France for the summer? Sure, sure, we know you like to brag you’re anonymous online, but you may want to stop and think about just how anonymous you really are. Do the background of your photos give you away? What about that friend who comments on your Facebook page everyday with her open profile stating she lives right up the street from you? Or the one that checks in at your house every single time she comes over? Yeah, check that.
2. Be tricky. Get the light timers on your house, have the post office hold your mail, ask a neighbor to pick up your papers and roll your trash cans back up to the house from the street. That way your crib doesn’t sit there for two weeks screaming to thieving passersby: Hey bad man, come inside and still all my goodies while my people are off having fun.
3. Stick to plastic. Remember the days of traveler’s checks? Do people still use those? I have no idea, but I do know that it’s not safe to traipse all over Mexico with your entire savings in Pesos on your person. Credit cards are just safer since you can cancel them if they get jacked.
4. Avoid spooky spots. Sure, it’s exciting to visit the Red Light District in Amsterdam. In the DAYTIME. Unless you are actually planning to, um, partake in some services that are better explored under the cover of darkness. Then, by all means, put a shank in your sock and go have fun. In fairness to the lovely prostitutes working girls of Amsterdam, I’ve actually been to the Red Light District without being stripped of my nonexistent riches (or my clothing) so it isn’t necessarily as unsafe as it is thrilling. Point is though, if the alley looks dark and dangerous, probably it is and you should stick to the main roads where all of the other tourists are kickin’ it.
5. Love your electronics. Passwords are an amazing thing. They don’t keep the baddies from stealing your phone or your iPad, but they do keep them from sending all of your contacts those, um, “fun” pictures you have of yourself if they do wind up with it. Yes, it happens. And, I know entering a password every time you want to check the weather or the score or whatever is annoying, but so is trying to explain to your boss why he just got a picture of your junk. Or becoming a victim of identity theft during travel because not only did the perp (I love that word) do obnoxious things with your photos when he stole your phone, but he also got all of your bank access codes and bought porn with your meager life savings. P.S. Making your password, “password” is probably not as clever as you think it is, just so you know.
So, how do you keep your family safe when you travel?
*Today’s post was brought to you by scary faced little brothers, bad guy crime syndicates, and those at Identity Guard fighting online identity thieves everywhere. I received the kID Sure service for no charge and have been compensated for my participation in this program. All opinions, scary photos, and witty commentary are my own.
Just stumbled onto your blog and I think it’s hilarious! Your advice is dead on though. I truthfully do everything I can to void traveling, especially with the kids. But if I have to, you better believe I’m bringing along the DVD player, DS and whatever other electronic gadgets I can think of to shut them up.. I mean keep them occupied. This keeps me sane, and therefore, keeps them safe. :)
Thanks for stopping by! And, there is no way we would travel sans DVD player. Even flying we have to take the laptop or iPad or both so The Dudes can watch. We don’t want to be stoned by fellow travelers!
We have people watch our house when we are gone. And if Bruncle is watching your house I’m not breaking in after seeing that photo. Just sayin’.
He’s pretty scary, right?! Fortunately that’s not his everyday face. It’s his back the F up bad guy face though for sure!
Ha. Bruncle looks like a trip.
My brother just had his entire checking account cleared out by the bad guys. They were apparently purchasing an audi. Nice for them.
I had completely forgotten about American Express Travelers Cheques. My parents always used to purchase those.
Oh my gosh, that is nuts! I hope he gets his money back. Is that even a possibility?!
Interestingly, my husband is spending his second morning running between bank and police station because a someone took his card, created a distraction, didn’t return it, we didn’t notice.
They spent the weekend cleaning us out.
No kidding.
That is horrible, Maggie. I hope he gets it worked out. We’ve had a few instances where people got a hold of my information to purchase stuff. Fortunately for me I was entirely broke at the time and my bank was all, no way are we covering this because this chick never has any money. I’m sure those bad guys learned their lesson stealing from a college girl! And, they went to Walmart for fun so they caught them on the surveillance cameras anyway.
We get our money back, but the police aren’t going to go after them. Even though, the security video would be easy to get.
In the interest of complete accuracy I have to say that if the “perp” was dancing in your panties, he would not by definition be naked :) (LOL)
But you make a good point. I always wonder about people who let everyone on Facebook know that they are away from home.
Funny thing is I thought of that when I was writing it, but then I was all, well, he got naked to get in my panties, and he probably looks pretty naked in them, so, um, yeah.
We can’t afford to go anywhere that’ll have us gone more than 24 hours. If the perps wanna scope us out as we throw one measely bag for five people and a container of potato salad and fried chicken into our car to go to the ghetto beach that’s only 1.5 hours away, more power to them. Just don’t be mad when you get in there and find one tv, one computer from the 90s, six crates of vinyl records, an original Playstation, no cash, no jewelry, no microwave, and two busted a/c window units. Perps’ll probably stay just to harass us and tell us to get better stealable shi…stuff.
I definitely agree on the password thing. Yes, it’s irritating to have to enter in the code every time my kid wants to watch a video, but the alternative is way more aggravating.
Bruncle looks like he hears a noise and it’s on.
@Maggie — I’m so sorry that happened to you! I hope it’s rectified soon and you get all your money back.
Bruncle’s ability to hear noises while sleeping is his one downfall. However, since he’s also a vampire, it doesn’t matter much.
Traveler’s cheques used to be such a pain, I was always afraid I’d lose them… I’m glad those days are over.
These days I’m a lot more careful about what I share, and if the house is going to be empty I don’t post it online until we’re all safely back. (Though I do frequently mention that I have security bars (high floor, a previous owner was afraid her children would fall out a window) and a steel security door – and a VERY involved neighbor who doesn’t miss a beat. It’s a city flat, but all this (and it’s top floor location, so no easy escape) make it a very unattractive target compared to the rest of the building – which I don’t mine a bit :).
The thing we have going for us is our neighbors also. And the fact that our neighborhood is like that movie The Labyrinth, you come in here and you are going to need all kinds of witchcraft and wizardry to get out. It’s a scary maze like that. It took my husband three weeks to NOT get lost coming home when we moved here.
LOL. “Don’t go that way. Don’t ever go that way. That way leads straight to the castle!”
(Labyrinth is a favorite of ours.)
Some great tips and something for all of us to think about. I have blogged while away, but I don’t reveal the locations we are staying until after we have stayed there. In terms of my home, it is safely protected by family and friends. Another tip for using Facebook. Be careful about “checking in” places because that certainly sends the information of exactly where in the world your family is.
Safety tips are important to us all. Thank you for sharing yours.