Mom Chic on the Street. Looking Good While Working Out.

As if that’s even possible.

As if me, stumbling through Zumba, sweat dripping from every pore on my body, while smelling vaguely like a beast of burden has any chance of looking good. 

But, since I’ve decide that I maybe need to think about the possibility of spending a  bit of time perhaps considering the idea of working out, I also need to consider what one would wear while endeavoring to actually perform such an activity.

I’ve lost ten pounds without doing anything more than basically starving myself following the Weight Watchers plan to a tee.

But, I figure, if I add in a little cardio of some sort maybe pick up a weight heavier than my coffee cup, I might be able to enjoy a cupcake every now and again? 

That’s how this whole things works, right?

Burn more calories than you take in; shed pounds like a boss.

That means I could, on occasion, enjoy a cookie or 4 without wanting to drown myself in my toilet! 

Motivating!  At least enough that I decided to check out some appropriate workout attire.

I certainly have “workout wear”, more commonly known as yoga pants, in my clothing arsenal, but these are not the sort that have up until now or will ever in the future likely have the opportunity to wrap themselves around my buttocks while said buttocks are engaged in performing yoga. Or, yoga like activities.  Because not only have I already determined that me and yoga don’t really see eye to eye (I tried it and all of the deep breathing made me hyperventilate to the point of light headedness; I’m pretty sure I passed out at the end, or just went to sleep), but also it’s just not cool to wear crotchless yoga pants in public.  And, before you ask, no, they don’t make those.  These are a DIY pair made entirely from years of my thighs putting in work on the fabric between them.

And yes, I really do only have one pair of yoga pants because we all know what happens when I wear yoga pants.

So, I’ve been doing some research, and here’s what I’ve discovered:

1.  People don’t workout in Converse anymore.  And, frankly, I don’t see how people actually got down like that in the 70s.  Cute as the are, they have zero arch support.  Also out, those nondescript Reeboks Jane Fonda made famous (they are just ugly), and these wedge sneakers that are popping up all over town (they are for, um, I’m not entirely sure what they are for)…

wedge sneakers

 

 

You need something more like this…

new balance running shoe

2.  Workout clothing costs as much as, if not more than, regular, looking-cute clothing.  Not sure why sweat wicking material has to cost more than silk, but it does?  According to Nike anyway.

3.  You need a bra.  Maybe even two.   Because the girls go to work when I start jumping around and working up a sweat and someone (aka my own face and that of the unfortunate person on the neighboring treadmill) could be severely injured if they aren’t tethered appropriately to my person.  If you’re, um, blessed in that area, look into something like this…

 

4.  Spanx makes a men’s line? *workout attire.  They call it Spanx Active.  I’ve not had the opportunity to test their brand of active wear out yet but, if it fits anything like the high waisted body tunic I wrap myself in to hit up a work function, there is no way I can work out in it.  Because I need to be able to gasp breathe when I work out, preferably deeply and possibly quickly.  Those are things I can’t accomplish in my current Spanx.  I can’t even bend at the waist or drink more than 6 ounces of water in the pair I own.  Just wearing them for an extended period of time makes me lightheaded (not sure if that’s from lack of food intake or because they’re too tight).  However, there is some merit to looking like you come to the gym because you like to, (not because you need to) and Spanx could probably help me pull that farce off.

5.  Shopping for active wear is nowhere near as exciting as shopping for purses or cute shoes or wall art or dining chairs or pretty much anything.  It’s only slightly more enjoyable than shopping for a new gyno.  But, if you know you are going to buy a sweet new gym bag and maybe a fuzzy jacket that doesn’t make you look like a mama sheep, then probably you can have a little fun with it.  I know I did…

WORKOUT WEAR

 

 

Now, that I know I’m not going to have to show up looking like a hobo, share your favorite (and most effective) workouts with me.  What videos don’t make you want to shoot yourself?  Which classes can someone lacking coordination actually make it through without injuring herself and/or shaming her family (I’m pretty sure Zumba is never gonna happen)?  Should I just go ahead and sign up for one of those swim aerobics classes the old ladies love on at the gym?!

*And, Spanx really does make clothing for men.  I can’t imagine why I’d want to catch my husband in my Spanx, but apparently some Dudes like it.

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Comments

  1. Oh my goodness. You are seriously cracking me up right now. I was never able to get into the whole aerobics or yoga thing. Apparently I’m just not coordinated enough. I could never keep up with the speed of the class. Also, I really do NOT enjoy seeing myself at every angle in the surrounding mirrors.

    I have been a swimmer my whole life, so I am now on a Masters swim team that I really enjoy. We’re all a bit crazy getting up at 6am Mon-Fri, but the craziness makes it more fun. :) I love speedo suits the best – specifically the speedo quantum spliced super pro back. This suit gives the girls support and makes you feel sleek.

    Good luck on your workout journey. Once you get over the first two weeks, it can get addictive, and that’s a good thing.

    Love your blog, by the way. So glad I found it!

  2. Congrats on losing 10 pounds!
    I don’t work out so I have nothing to offer there ;-)

  3. You gotta get some sneaker wedges! I have a pair and love them!

  4. The babysitting at the gym is a godsend! And I’ve recently started showering there, in spite of the skeeve factor, because it is BLISS to be able to shower, dry my hair, and put some makeup on without “company” and having to solve pressing problems, like juice dispensing, from the shower.

    I have to keep things low-impact, thanks to arthritis in my knees, so I’ve recently been doing my workouts in the pool. It’s been awesome. Muscles are tired, but not sore, and there is no sweating, unless you hit the Jacuzzi afterwards (which is a really great motivation to work out at all in my book!). And while I SUCK at swimming, it’s not really something you can fake-you’re either swimming, or you’re drowning. So I jog back and forth, and swim a few laps.

    Congrats on your weight loss! Go pick up something that weighs 10 pounds and remind yourself that you were carrying that on your body. You should feel proud!!

  5. I always try to work in bright colors in my gym clothes. Inspires me!

    Nicole
    http://www.momtrends.com/2012/10/holiday-looks-for-less/

  6. I love some Zumba and I highly recommend the moving comfort sports bras. I’ve got myself a nice set of boobies and they hold them all in place. Bouncing hurts.

  7. Crotchless yoga pants. Dude, I have a pair of those. lol Congrats on losing 10 pounds! That’s so awesome! I was doing P90X, but then El Capitan happened. And then NASCAR happened. And then this blogging conference I spoke at happened. I think I gained the 10 pounds you lost! lol Jumping back on the bandwagon as soon as this move is over and done with!

  8. The summer I turned 21, I went to Los Angeles for 3 months. I was following my would be baby daddy (not to be mistaken for my current husband,,, 2 different guys) Anyway, long story short, I had nothing to do, no job, no school, no kids yet, and mostly no money. SO, I decided I was going to make the most of my California Freedom and lose ALOT of weight and get tan. I only weighed like 160, but I thought I was TOTS fat. Anyway, I calculated how many calories I ate during each meal and after each meal, I would walk the exact amount of calories that I ate. I would then lay out on the roof of our dorm sans sunscreen for an hour in the afternoon. By the time the summer was over, I had lost 40 pounds and I had a beautiful glistening tan and sun kissed blonde hair. And I didn’t watch what I ate either- If I ate a 700 calorie meal, this girl walked to burn 700 calories. Anyway, 16 years later, I’ not sure I could do this, but whow was it awesome!!!

    • I so wish I could do this. I probably burn more calories sleeping than I do while I’m awake. I should probably just sleep more.

      • My mom has a theory- If you have time to sit, you have time to do bicep curls and leg lifts. She also does Wall pushups in the shower and has a tiny trampoline that she walks in place on while she watches TV. I’m the last person to give work out advice, but my mom WHOA!! She has lost 100 pounds in a year without a regular exercise regimin. Just five minutes here and there everyday. Start little. Since some change is better than nothing you will start to notice a difference in your weight loss. You are hot regardless!!!

  9. I totally look like a hobo when I am working out. I must invest in some of these workout clothes.

    I am in the market for a new workout though. Don’t go to the gym and the weather is getting worse, so I need to find something “fun”, okay, kinda fun to do in the house.
    ~FringeGirl

    • I hate paying for the gym because it’s so expensive, but it’s also the only way I am guaranteed to actually work out. They have babysitting there which is very motivating.

  10. Oh man, you crack me up. I’m totally with you on tethering the lady bits, btw. They are weapons of destruction if not properly harnessed!

    Can’t wait to see what videos people use. I need a good one that I can do while a toddler weaves between my legs.

    • I am so bad about working out in my house. I always get distracted by kids, or the dog, or Facebook…

  11. I was doing the Jillian Micheals 30 day Shred. It is only 20mins everyday so even though I feel like I am going to die the first few days it isn’t that long. And it works. I lost 10 lbs last month with it. Need to start over. I will admit though that I haven’t got past week 2, I tend to take a few days off and then start over at week 1 with the intention of working out for 30 days and then … it never happens…

    • Jillian Michaels scares me. Literally. I had the Biggest Loser workout and I loved Bob’s part, but I had to skip hers because having her yell at me made me want to cry. And punch her throat. But, if it works I might have to give it a try!

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