We are actually having a hard time, um, getting in touch with Santa to, um, tell him what The Dudes want for Christmas this year.
Meaning of course that they have really short lists featuring some ridiculous items that are neither thrilling to gift or practical to purchase (more on this Wednesday).
Were it up to me (and, yeah, theoretically it is, but none of this stuff is actually on their lists so it sorta eliminates the magic of the whole thing if I just buy them this stuff because I like it, right?), I’d probably buy them one of the following. Because I find these items awesome. Why can’t my kids just make my life easier by just agreeing with me already?
These are awesome-fun type gifts, right (all of which can be found on Uncommon Goods in case your kids are cool and want something like this)?! And functional too. I mean, how easy would it be to have “The Talk” with your kids if they’d been playing with a testicle toy for years already? So easy, I bet.
But, they don’t want ovary loves and teste toys (although #1 was totally digging that Abe Lincoln shirt), they want unexpectedly awesome gifts like harmonicas…
Which actually means that I get a pretty sweet walking around soundtrack to live my life by. Sure, it alienates people at the grocery store and the gas station, but I know, you secretly want to get your kid one now too so you can feel like you’re on a wagon train, or an underground railroad, or something equally primitive and pre-mp3-ish.
I totally plan to teach him to play the theme song to The Jeffersons next. So motivating to just have that playing while you’re out there living your life every day. Unexpected. But motivating.
Luckily, you can snag these pretty much anywhere for $5 or less. Total score. Perfect stocking stuffer. Not as inherently interesting as a plush prostate, but still a conversation starter. Once the music stops of course.
Also cool? Pirates, which #3 only just discovered were actually on the bad guy team. He loves them so much that he’s decided that pillaging and plundering aren’t really unforgiveable after all…
And, Legos. I have tried to discourage my children from loving on these mini-foot-death traps for years. Not only because they make pretty effective mommy booby traps, but because they are also mad expensive, wind up clogging my vacuum cleaner or my dog’s digestive track at least biweekly, and never, ever get put away without a vigorous bout of yelling on my part. They don’t care, and they want more of them for Christmas. So they can make, machine guns to shoot up Barnes and Noble with? Yeah, that…
Thank goodness I created that awesome Lego table to store all of this madness because Santa is probably going to get buck with the Legos this year. For some reason all of the old ones smell like pee.
What stuff are your dudes digging these days?!