Recently, I took The Dudes to Baltimore for a weekend adventure.
Long story short, Dumb Dad had to stay home with Dumb Dog because of some, er, miscalculations with the kennel (aka, we had to change some dates and I forgot to call to save her a spot), so I was on my own with The Dudes in the city.
Before we left I was pretty confident in my skills and ability to handle all three of them for a weekend adventure at a hotel, visiting an aquarium, dining out at touristy like places. I mean I’ve had them all of their lives and most of mine, so I figured, I got this.
As a matter of fact I was
foolishly sorta looking forward to it. Figured we’d reconnect and really bond over our together time. Just me and my Dudes.
By the time we had driven the hour to the hotel, screamed at the stupid-face-dummy-head GPS lady in my dash for not actually getting me to my destination without making me drive around a circle 4 times (seriously, it’s a traffic circle, how confusing can that be?), walked a couple of blocks to the hotel with a pair of underwear dangling from my bag (no one told me, NO ONE), and checked into our lovely accommodations (The Pier 5 hotel in Baltimore is a great, centrally located place to stay with the family if you’re ever in the Baltimore area and need a place to crash), I was pretty certain I had made a mistake.
My mind was nearly changed by the chocolate & champagne hour the hotel hosted (yes friends, with a fountain, delicious things to dip in it, and champagne for the 21 and up crowd), the nice room, and the friendly staff.
But, by the time we’d been inside of the National Aquarium for 30 minutes, they’d pretty much made me forget all of that awesome and I was convinced that I really, really, really need Dumb Dad in my life. Like for realsies.
Possibly I’m just used to having him with me to sorta deflect fights, wrangle children, and give the kids the stink eye on my behalf.
Or, maybe, it was the 3 different trips to the bathroom I had to take because, of course, they all couldn’t just have to go at once.
Or, the time that I got locked out of the dolphin show, with the two big kids inside, because #3 absolutely just immediately had to get a snack. Before he died. From starvation. And dehydration. And sadness.
Or, maybe it was the random fight that broke out between two of them for the hundred-billontyieth time over who was going to sit where, or who touched whom, or for whom the bell tolls, or nothing.
Not sure which of those straws eventually broke this camel’s back, but at one point, I picked my hump up offa the ground, turned on my children, made eye contact with each of them individually, and decided to leave that place without getting our money’s worth.
I could see the crazy in their eyes. And I could feel it coursing through my veins.
And, I knew they had won. Or, that they thought they had at least.
homie mama don’t play that.
I always win. Always, always, always (and yes, I am doing the running man right now).
But of course, they didn’t expect me to end that trip. They expected me to threaten them. Numerous times even. But let them stay, and act ungrateful, and snippy and bickery, and mean.
But, sometimes, as a mom, you just have to call their bluff.
Shake things up a little bit by actually being consistent and sticking to your word.
Even if you don’t want to because you are dying to see the rain forest exhibit and the sting rays. Even if you were really looking forward to spending a little time in that gift shop to replace the broken snow globe your beast broke. Even if you know that they will probably be even more annoying once you get back to the hotel.
Fortunately, we actually had some fun in the aquarium…
And around the city of Baltimore…
before I had to get buck.
As it turns out, I think everyone was just ugly tired. Like can’t think right, can’t see straight, need to just chillax tired. Because we got back to the room and laid around while watching movies and
stuffing our faces with our leftover Chinese food things turned up happy…
I guess in the end, we all won. Mostly me, of course, but them too.
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