DudeMom Life: You Know You’re a Boy Mom If…

boy moms

…you aren’t even shocked anymore when your son announces that he has to go to the bathroom and then gets up from the couch to walk outside into your yard to handle his business.

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…your dirty sock pile is like twice as big as your dirty underwear pile.  Because Dudes pretty much know they can wear their underwear for two days and not change them, but itchy socks have to come off every night before bed.

…the only bathroom in the house that has a reliable supply of toilet paper is your own.  No one seems to care when it runs out anywhere else and no one ever thinks to mention it when it does.

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…you are counting down the days until every human in the house is taller than you.

…you’ve perfected the sound that a turbo blaster hyper ray makes with your mouth.

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…you’ve discussed the appropriate terms to use to discuss a Dude’s junk in public.  Because they are always discussing it in public.  And hearing your son say, “My nuts are all itchy,” or “He kicked me in the balls!” while in line at Target is what nightmares are made of.

…you know how long it takes your bathroom to start smelling like a bus station: one day.  One.  Freaking.  Day.

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…there are many days where you arrive at your dinner table and announce, “No one eats until everyone is wearing underwear!”

…you’ve been asked, in an outside voice,  why you “pee outta your butt” while doing so in a public restroom.

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…every single room of your house has a ball in it.  Or a Nerf bullet.  Or both.

…you’ve been dunked on.  And sacked.  And chest bumped.  Like you were one of the guys.  Because sometimes they forget that you aren’t and secretly, you love that.

…you have your own cape.  For superhero-ing.

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…you don’t expect more than one word answers to pretty much any question you ask unless it’s about snakes, or dinosaurs, or video games, or football.

…you have rooms in your house that don’t have a lot of furniture in them in order to make room for horse play.  Or, because they already broke it during their horse play.

…you know who would win in a battle between Thor and the Green Lantern.  (Thor, duh)

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…when you open their soccer bag that has been under the bed all winter, you’re not shocked to discover it has wet, dirty socks in it, and you barely even gag at the smell.

…whenever someone in your house is hurt or sick or scared or sad, there is one single person they want there with them… you.

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Comments

  1. When your kids drops trou behind a tree FACING THE ROAD to take a pooh AT YOUR FIRST EVER FOR OTHER PEOPLE PHOTO SHOOT. And you know your first every client is a boy mom when she says without even being phased, “Here’s some baby wipes.” And now I’m going to use this as a status update on my page because I just realized how hilarious it is.

  2. I love watching them grow up here and am counting down the days when they’re all taller than you too! It won’t be much longer!

  3. wow… love I love the POSEY shirt…
    (You know, he is from my hometown!)

  4. I can very much relate to this. I have one boy and another on the way…and of course, a not-so-grown-up husband to throw in the mix! It’s funny the things that you just sort of get used to.

  5. I LOVED this! I don’t have a girl myself yet but I have taught so many young boys over the years. I hope one day to experience the joy of reaching these mother-of-a-boy milestones! :)

  6. Last night, during Kindergarten homework, I had to say “don’t you dare color that cockroach” (it wasn’t a live cockroach, it was a picture on his homework page!)

  7. I only have one boy, but oh, how I can relate to pretty much everything you said in this post!

  8. Oh good Lord, yes. Just emptied out the stinky soccer bag TODAY. And was totally proud of myself that it has only been 3 weeks since the season ended. Decided to just toss out the socks.

  9. My son is only 3 years old, but I can totally relate to most of these already!

  10. True that!! You know your a boy mom when there isn’t an hour in the day when you don’t hear the words poop, fart, or pee. Not looking forward to adding more vocabulary for their junk as they grow older!

  11. Every single one of these is the absolute truth! I’m going to have to share this! Visiting from Mama Kat’s.

  12. That last one made me tear up. There is nothing quite like being a dude mom; it’s completely different from any other way of parenting. I recently went to get my nails done with a friend who decided to bring her daughter. I was dreading having to chase a child around the salon, I JUST wanted to get my nails done! But that little girl sat still the whole time talking with us…she’s 5. That would’ve NEVER happened with one of my boys. We’d've been lucky if the salon was still standing when we left.

  13. My boys and I play “which superhero is the strongest?” all the time. And I FINALLY taught my boys that if they really have to drop trou in the yard to pee, to at least make it the back yard, not out front where cars are driving by. It took seven years.

  14. I can so relate, as the mama to (just) one boy. We sharing funny stuff like this over at Great Moments in Parenting, an open blog to celebrate the agony and ecstasy of life with kids. We’d be honored if you submitted an essay, parenting “moment” or photo, and we are happy to link back to your site. Thanks in advance for considering it! Here’s the link to submit: http://greatmomentsinparenting.com/log-in/

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