Twerk Your Way Skinny. How to Lose 10 Pounds in a Week.

If Google landed you on my page today because of a search you did for how to lose weight fast, or drop 10lbs this week or something equally ridiculous, we need to have a talk.

First, unless you are a professional boxer, or wrestler, or some other highly skilled athlete who needs to be ready for a competitive activity with a weight qualification of some sort within the next seven days (and we both know you’re not, otherwise you’d already know how to drop weight quickly and you wouldn’t be at home Google searching it because you’d be busy running circles around your neighborhood with a garbage bag on), there is no good, healthy, or safe reason why you would even need to lose 10lbs by the end of this week.

And, if you did pull off this feat, know that every single ounce of whatever poundage you dropped will be making it’s way straight back to you by this time Monday.

So, want to know how you lose 10lbs this week?

You.  Don’t.

You don’t really want that anyway.  You want to be healthier.  You want to feel better.  You want to buy that super cute dress that you saw at H&M and not have it be all tight on the arms.

Listen to me on this one, I know you I totally don’t know you; you want a new lifestyle, and this is how you get one…

How to Lose 10 Pounds and Keep It Off

hot to lose 10 pounds

1.  Buy a super cute notebook.  Or a composition book.  Or use your arm if you don’t plan to bathe this week, I don’t care.  The goal here is to chronicle what you put in your gullet.  Chances are you need to get real about what you eat.  Not what you tell your husband you eat.  Not what you eat when you go to lunch with your co-workers.  What you really eat.  Including the stuff you down when you’re hiding from your kids in the garage.  Then, work on overhauling that.  Less processed foods.  Less fatty foods.  Less you’re-not-even-hungry-you’re-thirsty foods.  Just eat less food.  And, make what you do eat better.  More nutritious options, less peanut butter cups and soda.

2.  Stop hating the Twerk.  I know, we were all appalled by Miley Cyrus and her tongue VMA performance.  It was uncomfortable, and offensive, and weird.  Miley has issues.  But, you know what Miley doesn’t have?  A muffin top!  Those of us who spent time in a hip hop club or two in the late 90s can easily tell you that a) Miley did NOT invent Twerking, and b) twerking is working.  If you do it right, it works your thighs and your back and your abs and your everything.  If you hate it that much, use it to punish yourself.  Tell yourself that for every insert personal favorite fat making snack you eat you will have to Twerk thru Miley’s We Can’t Stop.  So, 4 Oreo cookies would roughly translate into 16 minutes of Miley.  I guarantee this will change your life. You will either give up aforementioned fat making snack entirely to avoid Miley, or have the banging booty from your dreams.  Win-Win!

3.  Stay healthy.  Sick people don’t work out because they don’t feel good, they feel, uh, sick!  Wash your hands, take your vitamins, eat an apple, get plenty of sleep, and drink lots of water.  And, if you encounter someone who seems sick, avoid them like the plague, because they may actually have it (plague=flu in 2014).

Johnson & Johnson, is all about healthy living and family wellness.  Their suite of HEALTHY ESSENTIALS® products provides active families with everything they need to stay active in 2014.

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Come join us for a HEALTHY ESSENTIALS® Twitter chat, January 14th at 1pm EST.  We’ll be discussing family wellness, resolutions, and how to score great deals on health and hygiene products!  Also, there will be prizes!

Follow @thedudemom, @theMotherhood, @CooperMunroe, @EmilyMcKhann, @TheMotherhood25, and #Moms4JNJConsumer to play along!

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his post is part of the HEALTHY ESSENTIALS® 2014 program by Johnson & Johnson Consumer Companies, Inc. and The Motherhood, who sent me a box of products and compensated me for my time. Opinions, experiences and photos shared here are all my own, and I hope you enjoy them.


    • DudeMom says

      No, no, twerking isolates muscles. And burns calories. And builds the glutes. Actually, my Zumba class at my gym did a whole twerking training thing one time. I’ve never hurt so good!

  1. says

    This made me laugh because every time I see Miley I think, darn she looks good. Not the tongue hanging out, but her abs are hot. The girl must be doing something right.

    • DudeMom says

      It works. I had three cookies last night and twerked in my kitchen for an hour. I can barely stand up straight right now.

  2. says

    Loved this! I am getting on the healthy track. I have been eating clean and working out the past few months, but not normally together. I am trying to put it all together in to my new lifestyle. I wish I was coordinated enough to twerk haha.

    • DudeMom says

      I had a fitness teacher break down the twerk in class once; apparently it is hard to do! I’ve been perfecting my twerk since the 90s so I’m good, but it’s actually not as easy for the untrained:).

  3. says

    Girl, I don’t hate the twerk.
    I’m fascinated by it.
    Did this get creepy?
    I wish I had moves that resembled art rather than a seizure.
    We are getting slammed by sick over here. Health is a full mind body spirit thing and if one is off, the rest goes to hell.

    PS. I am so far behind since taking a mini break and I saw that you gave me a nod in your best posts. I am so honoured. I really am. Thank you!! I tried to comment but the box disappeared and I wanted to send you an email but I can’t find it listed on your page…or maybe I’m blinded by all of the caffeine I’ve consumed? Either way, love you for it xo

    • DudeMom says

      Virtual hi-5. Hope you guys are on the healthy track soon. My email is hiding apparently because you’re the second person to tell me that recently. Time to fix that problemo!

  4. says

    Ha! Love this post. And I’m totally taking your advice. I know that I do way better healthy-eating wise when I track what I shove in my face (and am actually honest about how often I dip into the chocolate chips bag). I need to just suck it up (in?) and do it.

    Also, I love the idea of twerking punishment. Love. As long as I’m not expected to wear thong-like unitards while doing it (that’s just too much punishment).

    • DudeMom says

      My goal is to actually have a banging enough body that I can incorporate the unitard into my wardrobe. I don’t think Beyonce has put on a pair of pants or come up out of her onesie since 1997.