Friday was kind of a big deal for me.
For those who follow me on Facebook or Instagram you were probably all like, dang, what is DudeMom doing? Getting a tummy tuck?
I had a much less exciting, medically prescribed hysterectomy.
Pretty basic, surgical procedure to remove all (okay, almost all) elements of my internal lady parts.
I received general anesthesia, went to sleep a full person, woke up missing parts.
The procedure began super early in the morning and went smoothly. I was admitted to the hospital, but released by evening.
I have been home recuperating ever since and I will continue to conduct most of life from my couch for the next 5 days or so.
I wasn’t sure how I was going to deal with this experience in this space -I was nervous about the procedure, and not feeling like getting super personal about the inner workings, or, non-workings as the case may be, of my lady body.
Even now, as I sit here typing this out, three days post-op and mildly under the influence of some low grade narcotics, I am still struggling to wrap my mind around the fact that my uterus is dead. And gone. And probably incinerated in some fire pit behind the hospital in my hometown.
I don’t know.
I didn’t think to ask what they would do with my baby maker after they sucked it out of my lady hole.
It’s just suddenly not with me anymore.
And I think I feel mostly okay about that.
I know, I don’t sound super convincing.
But, let me talk through this with you.
Feelings About Getting a Hysterectomy
First, I think I am supposed to feel some type of way about getting a hysterectomy.
Many women feel things like sadness and loss following this procedure and, from what I hear, not just the ones who have already had the pleasure of birthing their own babies from that place that now lays barren.
Only, I don’t feel that way.
I had my tubes tied after Dude 3 was born so I’d long ago come to terms with the fact that he would forever and always be my last biological baby.
Nearly 10 years later I still feel good with that choice.
I still look at babies from time to time and sigh, but the actual idea of growing one and raising one is not on my list of things I am dying to do right now at nearly 39.
What I do know is that living with my faulty uterus had become quite a bear.
I will spare you the obviously bloody details and just say that there were years of pain and discomfort and struggle and illness behind that beautiful, ugly organ.
Yes, it gave me the three best gifts I could ever ask for in this life, but then, it turned on me. And, at times, I think it might have wanted me dead.
I got it before it got me, is all.
Now that the deed is done, I hope to be able to return to a normal life where I don’t have to spend a week of every month strapped to my bed like Linda Blair in the exorcist.
And no, I am not exaggerating, because yes, it was that bad.
There are a bunch of medical tidbits involved in my final decision and I swear I am going to video it all out for you soon.
Later. When sitting doesn’t hurt so much.
If you’re in the before phase and this process is on your radar, you may identify with this. I wrote this part BEFORE I went into surgery because I wanted to chronicle my ore-hysterectomy thoughts for posterity. And because these gifs just fit perfectly.
5 Things I Really Thought About Before Getting A Hysterectomy
Hooray! No More Periods!
Because, for real you guys, the curse is broken!
Will I Die?
And, if I don’t actually die, will I feel like it afterwards?
Between my doctor’s stern-faced precautions, and all of those papers they make you sign at the hospital, you almost can’t be sure. TBH, the pain hasn’t been unbearable. Before the surgery, post-op pain control was a major concern of mine. I do not like pain. I have a high tolerance for it, but I 100% do not enjoy it. I took my pain meds for 2 days strong and have weaned off of them since. I take Tylenol and rest. It is more of an overall body tenderness and extreme fatigue as opposed to what I would consider painful.
Will I Go Into Menopause
And, if I do, can I just instantly be as cool as Betty White is please?
Although truly, it depends. If they leave your ovaries in, your hot flash days may still be a ways off. If not, yes then, immediately.
What If I Want a Baby?!
That’s the sort of thing I spent the last four years (when I was first told to undergo this procedure) thinking about. In fact, I made that no-baby choice years ago (note previous comment about having my tubes tied for the past 9 years). But, even still, it seems that the idea of never carrying another baby jumps into your mind when you’re heading into the OR. I guess just knowing that you can’t, no matter what, makes you truly question your commitment to infertility.
Relief, Sweet Relief
I am so Stanley up in here right now. I thought through all of the things this would do for my life for the better and come to the conclusion that, at the end of the day, when all of the tender is gone and the restrictions are lifted, I will feel one thing: relief, sweet relief.