When I see all of the modern marvels new moms have at their disposal today, I am always a little jealous at how far technology has come to make mom life easier.
I basically had my first baby in the dark ages (2001). We had to use a film camera to chronicle his first moments and a baby book with a paper and pen to write down his milestones. It was downright primitive.
Digital cameras were for rich people and family apps were yet to be invented. If a relative wanted a photo of my kid I had to go to the drugstore and order doubles, then put it in the mail and send it to them. It was all very time consuming.
There was no Facebook (okay, there was, but it was still in the you-need-a-college-email to access it days so, while I had an account, my mom and grandparents did not), no Instagram, no Facetime, no Skype, no nothing to make connecting with family from afar easy, other than the telephone, which was probably still mostly used in your home, connected to your wall.
But, what there were baby registries.
I remember excitedly going through Target and Babies R Us with that little scanner gun, lighting up all of the baby products I thought I needed. Everything from a massive 4 part stroller to several packs of newborn diapers (a thing I also didn’t need because I had a 9lb baby).
But, I overshot that day and was stuck with several items I really didn’t need.
Don’t be me new moms, be better.
10 Baby Products New Parents Don’t Actually Need
Shittens: Wipe Gloves
Because no, you do not need an entire glove to clean up your baby’s bottom that is probably not even the size of your fist. I’ve seen bad blow outs, of all kinds. The ones that explode out the sides and ooze up the back. The ones that force you to scamper through the grocery store, baby held close, butt palmed tightly in your hands to stop the drips that you’re entirely unsuccessful stopping based on the trail you’re leaving while your toddler runs behind you yelling, “POOOOP! MOMMY DA BABY IS DROPPING DA POOOOOP!” And, even then, under those most abhorrent circumstances, I did not need a poop glove. An entire roll of paper towels and bucket? Sure. But not a poop absorbing hand sheath.
If you’re curious about how these work, feel free to try them here: Shittens
Sure they’re cute, but they are also kinda deadly. No baby safety expert will tell you to place your baby and your crib bumper inside of the crib at the same time. Having your baby in his crib will quickly become more important to you than having your bumper in the crib. And, under no circumstances, outside of newborn photo day, will you, as a new parent, tie and retie that thing to your crib on a daily basis. It will just be jammed in the corner taking up space, collecting dust, and mocking you for spending $49 on it.
Babies don’t need warm wipes. They just, don’t. It’s usually somewhere you’re not anyway –upstairs in the nursery, downstairs in the living room, back at home while you’re crouched over a changing table in Ikea trying to get your kid’s poop stained onesie over his head without getting crap in his hair.
Pro Tip: If the wipes are cold, palm them for about 45 seconds –they will be warm enough for your baby’s rear end.
Baby Food Maker
Regular food processor does literally the same thing.
This is a small food processor I own for little chops, it can make baby food too: Mini Food Processor
A Diaper Genie
Here’s how that goes –you buy the refills like once and realize they’re both too expensive and too much trouble when a basic plastic bag from your last Target run is free and works just as well. My husband and kids used to drag the dirty diaper snake around the house and play with it (I know, gross) when I finally got them to empty it. All it was ever good for. Get a trash can with a lid –works as well.
A designer diaper bag
Yes, buy a diaper bag, and yes make it cute (no need to sacrifice fashion for motherhood), but you don’t need to spend hundreds of dollars on an oversized bag you will be leaving in the car by the time your baby is semi mobile. You’ll eventually reach that place most mothers reach where you leave the house with nothing more than a diaper, a snack, and the travel pack of wipes you always have stashed in the door of your car.
Here’s a cute one for a great price: Diaper bag
A daddy diaper bag
Dads don’t need special diaper bags. If yours is also your purse (it will be, believe it), let dad use the free, usually neutrally colored one they give you at the hospital or a buy a similarly designed super low cost one from whatever super store you like to frequent. Dad will not be that attached to it anyway and he’s as likely as you to kick it to the curb in a few months when he realizes baby doesn’t need 17 toys or 4 outfit changes for a trip to Target.
Here’s one similar to what DudeDad used to carry: Diaper bag
Let your hand be your thermometer. If the water feels burny don’t put your baby in it. End of story.
As cute as those mini Jordan’s look, they do not belong on newborn feet. They don’t walk anywhere, they don’t need expensive footwear. Even when they are starting to get mobile, they’ll be better off in a soft soled shoe.
Try these: Robeez
Baby First-Aid Kit
Frankly, you’re not going to do much first aid on your baby. If he’s really injured you’re most likely to freak out and rush him to the doctor. Most of what comes in those first aid/grooming kits is useless. Your baby will have plenty of pacifiers and rattles, every time you get a prescription they will give you a medicine syringe (I have like 75 in my silverware drawer right now), it’s just more junk you don’t need or will forget you have. All you really need is a nasal aspirator, a pair of baby nail clippers, and a thermometer.
Looking for items you do need? Check out this epic list: Stuff Baby’s Really Need
Then, join us on Facebook and see recommendations from some other veteran moms!