without hurting someone badly in the process.
Because, if you’re like me, grocery shopping is quite possibly the bane of your existence.
It’s right up there with folding socks, emptying the dishwasher, and being impaled.
Seriously, I’d rather clean my bathroom with a Kleenex than take my kids to the grocery store to handle our bi-monthly food runs.
As of late, for reasons outside of my control, the grocery store of choice has been Super
You all know by now how I feel about that place.
It makes me throw up a little; the genetic anomalies, the belligerent parents, the pimps, the coupon-hoarding-thousand-year-old-check-writers-in-the-self-check-out-lane, the bad produce, the smelly fish (and I’m NOT talking about the kind they sell), the over abundance of cheese curls.
It’s overwhelming for the senses.
Add to that the fact that my kids always seem to be tired, hungry, and/or sick when we go there (a trip that generally takes anywhere from 1.5-2.0 hours) and you have the recurring nightmare that is my life.
But, guess what?!
Thanks to the wonderfully inventive people at Peapod (the online grocery and delivery service) those days are essentially over.
And for that, I am beyond grateful.
Which is why I’m encouraging you to try it.
It’s reasonably priced (the delivery fee is less than $10 and they have tons of items on special, comparable to what you could get at the store).
It’s easy (maybe not the first time, because you have to get used to using the site, but after that, piece of cake, which, incidentally, they will bring you if you want!).
And, it’s saves your time, your sanity, and your cash (since you don’t waste money buying all of the junk your kids and your tummy beg off you).
I know all of you can’t use Peapod (they are only in areas Giant grocery stores service) so don’t worry, I got you!
Dumb Mom’s Guide to Grocery Shopping With Kids
1. Don’t. Do. It. Bad things happen to you, to your kids, and sometimes even to the people around you when you do. I know, everyone’s kid doesn’t pick the grocery store to debut his first single, “My Mom’s Fat” like mine did. But still, the grocery store is an embarrassing situation waiting to happen. It seems like every mom I know has a “grocery shopping story”. Trust me, they are not as neato as they sound. They are just all the same: you are in a hurry, you drag your disgruntled, noncompliant toddler to the store, you rush around the place while your kid screams/whines/begs-for-stuff-there’s-no-way-in-Hell-you’re-gonna-get-him-which-you-wind-up-getting-him-just-to-make-him-stop-it-already/runs off, when you are almost home free, your kid does something embarrassing (aka sings a fat song) or disgusting (aka poops up his back AND down his leg in the checkout lane which means, no way can you just scurry away and claim innocence) or plain old bad (aka steals a roll of Starburst and makes a break for the door) making it virtually impossible for you to ever show your face in that place again.
2. Make Daddy go too. No reason you should have to suffer alone. Agree to buy him those nasty BBQ flavored sunflower seeds he insists on spitting all over the porch if he comes with you. Never know, his airplaning the kid around the place while you pick out the bread and meat for the week might just allow you to make it from entrance to exit without being made to look like the worst mom EVER.
3. Bribery. DOES NOT WORK ON KIDS AT THE GROCERY STORE. Seriously, you wind up buying $75 worth of bullcrap AND being made to look like the worst mom EVER. You have to use bribery on your friends and relatives and neighbors and random strangers you meet at the library. Then they can watch your kids while you trot inside for the essentials. Depending on how many kids you have, you may want to look for some of those underage drinkers that hang around outside of liquor stores and make them an offer they can’t refuse.*
4. Have a discussion. You know, one of those kinds in which you lay down the law beforehand so your child is not surprised when he can’t have a candy, a doughnut, and a can of orange soda when you get inside. This strategy works best if you are one of those consistent mean-what-you-say type of mamas. It will NOT work on all of
us you wishy washy ones. You have to have a precedent in place if you’d like the pre-talk to work it’s magic.
5. Make it fun. My mom used to
make me let me add up all of her purchases (this was pre-calculator days people) and even practice writing checks. Obviously this is an older kid strategy, but think along the same lines for the littler ones. Give your energetic toddler a “big boy” (or girl) job to do and be prepared with another one when he gets bored on aisle 4. I let #3 walk (instead of riding in the cart; safety harness engaged) if he will stay anywhere within eyeshot of me be in charge of putting my stuff in the cart. And, I also give him a paper and a pencil to carry around as his “list”. He likes that, especially when he gets to try to poke the meat with it which is exactly when the shopping cart harness thingy comes in real handy again.
So, happy shopping!
And, if you want to checkout Peapod, here’s a coupon code for you: BLOG2010.**
Give it a chance; it will change your life!
Have a Mom Tip to share? Link up every Tuesday right here @ pBd.
*I don’t go around picking up random teenagers to watch my kids and if I did I wouldn’t bribe them with alcohol. That would be wrong.
**I was invited to take a behind-the-line tour of the Peapod shopping floor in Gaithersburg, MD. As part of this event I was given a $50 gift card to Peapod which I happily redeemed. I am a dedicated Peapod customer now with my next delivery scheduled for Wednesday. The coupon code provided entitles you to $15 off your order and expires 6/30/2010.