Morning routine or not, mornings are hard.
Not some mornings, all of the mornings.
Somehow, as we approach summer they seem to get even more challenging to muddle through and I find myself reheating my coffee multiple times while running around my house in various states of undress, yelling random instructions to my children who can’t be bothered to give many cares about any of it.
Parents of younger children who are hoping for brighter, more independent days ahead cover your ears now…
IT DOESN’T GET EASIER.
It just gets different.
I blame expectations.
I seem to have foolishly raised them preemptively despite the truth they have been telling us all along: that low expectations are generally a key to happiness.
As woe as I am to admit it in my quest for creating children who are independent, makers in society, it seems “they” are correct. Would I not have had a multitude of expectations about how my children would be these breakfast making, organized creatures of habit and perfection who bathe, dress, feed, and prepare themselves for their daily commitments come their teen years, perhaps I wouldn’t be quite so remorse to discover that they are instead procrastinators who avoid responsibility and long to stay in bed for hours on end where they can languish in their own warmth and eat the snacks they stashed surreptitiously under their beds.
Much like me.
I guess, like so many other parents, I hoped for better –that they would be an improvement to the mediocrity that is me. And, while there are glimmers of greatness, I’m afraid my own tendencies to shirk my chores and eat chocolate in the bathroom for breakfast are the ones they seem most attracted to. Probably I should’ve done a better job of ensuring they weren’t exposed to my bathroom/garage/under desk feeding frenzies and day long pajama jams.
It all results in my morning routine rampages wherein we are late because I hid in the bathroom with my chocolate and my Outlander and they hid under their covers with their granola bars and their YouTube. At least they make healthier food choices than I do.
Hello bright side!
To give you some insight (or an opportunity to commiserate) into our current situation, I decided to lay out what the short two hours between wake up and departure are like up in here.
The hashtags are yours to keep. You are welcome.
Morning Routine: This is Mornings with Kids In 25 Hashtags
6:30am. Alarm rings. #riseandgrind
6:40am. Run from my bed to my 14 year old’s room to awake him only to discover that he has already showered and dressed and taken the dog out and already started his breakfast because he gets up at 6:20 when his alarm rings! #momwin #likeaboss
6:45am. Go back to bed to read Outlander under my covers. #Outlander
7:00am. Go downstairs to ensure my son has eaten breakfast (he has) and packed his bag for the day (he has). Check homework and discover it is complete but not submitted because OUR INTERNET IS A TOTAL JERK SOMETIMES. #firstworldproblems
7:10am. Finish kicking our modem and yelling at our computer for being inept and also evil. #technorage
7:15am. Make coffee. #coffeeisbae
7:20am. Wish my son and our neighbor a happy school day as they leave. Note I have my shirt on backward. #dontjudgeme
7:25am. Logon to the Internet and check work. Put out fires. So many fires. #momboss
7:45am. Wake up 11 year old. #torture
7:55am. Wake up 11 year old again. #worstmomever
8:00am. Wake up 8 year old. #hugs
8:05am. Wake up 11 year old again. This time with threats. #seriously
8:10am. Realize we are late and begin the torment of running about the house like a maniac looking for clothing and backpacks and breakfast and lunch. #lateagain #someonehelpme
8:15am. Tell everyone they must be dressed and at the table in 35 seconds or so help me. #orsohelpme
8:16am. Glare at the dog who I trip over on my way to the kitchen. #dogmom
8:17am. Reheat coffee in the microwave. #oneofthosedays
8:17am. Put waffles in toaster oven to cook. Drop lunch meat on the floor, scream and yell and attempt to wrestle with the dog who is actively swallowing the entire thing including the package. Scream at the dog. Scream at the kids. Scream at the sky. Pack my kids yogurt, Fritos, grapes and a Cliff bar for lunch. Scream at the toaster oven for burning the waffles. Burn fingers while trying to remove flaming waffles from toaster oven. Scream at waffles and fingers for conspiring against me. Put in fresh waffles. Get backpacks. Discover that my child has a field trip today. Unpack lunch and put in plastic bag. Watch as lunch tumbles to the floor because bag has a massive hole in the bottom. Tackle the dog for trying to grab the lunch. Put lunch in garbage bag. Apologize to my child for his ghetto lunch. Give my kids cereal, no milk because the waffles burned again and we don’t have any milk. Tie 8 year old’s shoes because he can’t double knot appropriately. Find jackets because it’s raining. Find sweatshirts because the jackets are “soooooo stupid”. #motherhood #reallife #theyonlyhearmewheniscream #byeFelicia
8:30am. Kiss children goodbye. Promise tomorrow will be better. Watch them walk to the bus. #boybye #sigh
8:35am. Look for coffee. Find it in microwave. Reheat. Eat brownie. #chocolatewins