10 Things Not to Say to People With Curly Hair

In case you missed my Love Your Curls post a couple weeks ago, I really think you should take like two seconds to check it out.

I loved it because I took like the best selfie of all time for it it just hit so close to home for me. As a girl with a bunch of curls, I truly feel for other young girls growing up with the media images and perceptions of beauty society throws on them.

It’s hard to think your hair is gorgeous when most of the women considered beautiful don’t have hair like yours.

Or when you pick up a magazine, flip through the pages, and don’t see anyone in it that looks like you. They may have brown skin, and at this point, they may have a body type that you can relate to more, they may even be a woman who lived most of her life as a man, but the chances that they will have big beautiful, curly hair, is just so small.

I did a little test, just to be sure, and I flipped through the latest issue of Redbook (which you guys KNOW I love). Want to know how many curly girls were in there (NOT a part of a brand ad)?

ONE.

And, I’m not talking about girls with curled hair. Note to magazine editors: CURLED hair is not the same thing as CURLY hair so stop trying to trick us into buying your stuff by putting something misleading like 10 Curly Styles for Summer on the cover.

Never do they mean curly. Always, they mean CURLED.

Anyway, it’s not just media imagery that gets in the way. It’s other people in our community, our teachers, our neighbors, our friends, even our very own family members throwing shade on our look because they just don’t get curls.

I know.

Sometimes you don’t mean it. You’re not intentionally being hurtful. You don’t mean to sound judgy. You just speak, and then think later, or never. And by then the damage is done. My smile is fake. And I’m left feeling like my hair is a thing that makes me different again. And not different good, different bad.

I want little curly humans to embrace their special and love it for the awesome it is.

Dude 3 seems to have the right idea about all of it: “I get all of my superpowers from my hair. It’s why I’m so fast.”

But sometimes, it’s easier for boys. And this boy has a lot of positive curly role models (ME!) and gets a lot of positive feedback about his curls. And, no one has ever said any of these things to him.

10 Things NOT to Say to Curly Haired People

1. Can I touch it?

No. I kinda feel like a puppy when you do that and, as I have no desire to enjoy a hump on your leg, that’s not fair.

2. Is it real?

Yes. I think people mean is it natural here, but I still find this to be an odd question. I don’t go around asking people if they have perms. Or if their boobs are fake. Or if they got artificially inseminated. The authenticity of my hair (it IS natural if you must know) is kinda not your business is it?

3. Where did you get that curly hair?

Genetics. It’s a science-y thing.

4. It’s just so big!

There is only one clear instance I can think of where this is an appropriate and, arguably, flattering comment to make. While speaking of my hair is not that instance.

5. It must be a beast to take care of.

Beastly is not how any woman wants any part of their person described. And for the record, if I accept it for what it is and stop trying to make it something it isn’t, taking care of it is actually not that complex. For example, thanks to consistent care and maintenance of health, it takes me approximately 35 seconds to style my hair each day. Few people can claim that.

6. Whoa! Also, whoa in another language.

This one is especially unfavorable when stated by the stylist at the salon you just walked into to check pricing. NOT getting my hair done there.

7. You probably wish it were straight right?

I mean, not really. Only now I kinda think you’re saying I should.

8. Have you thought about getting it styled?

Technically, this IS my style. It’s called curly. And, since I have it cut into a particular shape, with long layers and contouring, I’m not sure what you mean when you say “styled”. Maybe you mean, “Hi, your hair is unruly and exotic and that makes me judge you. You should change it so I can feel better!”

9. It’s so kinky.

These aren’t kinks. They’re curls. Totally not the same thing.

10. You should straighten it.

You’re not the boss of me.