If you made it to this post it’s because you’ve probably heard some stirrings about, this 50 Shades-ish Netflix flick getting all your mom friends all worked up.
The 365 Days movie is a Polish erotic film based on the Polish book of a similar name – 365 DNI. It’s the story of a Polish woman who’s abducted by the leader of a mafia-like crime family, known below as Mr. Mafia, who plans to hold her hostage for 365 days with the mission of making her fall in love with him.
That’s because it is.
But, honestly, it’s also exactly what we’ve needed to take our anxiety riddled, emotionally taxed, still semi-quarantined minds off the fact that we are drowning in anxiety-inducing emotions and entering our fourth straight month of being semi-quarantined.
With our kids.
If you’ve already banned your children to their rooms for an hour and a half or so to experience this creepy phenomenon that is 365 Days movie yourself, then Id’ love to hear your thoughts on the whole thing.
If not, let me prepare you for this freak show before you dive in.
Here is the trailer so we can get on the same page here:
10 Things You Must Know About The 365 Days Movie: The Netflix Film All Your Mom Friends Are Talking About
There is reading involved.
Personally I hate subtitles.
I rarely have time to devote to strictly watching a movie, particularly one that requires me to train one eye on the hallway to ensure none of my offspring come barreling into the room during a particularly “interesting” scene (note: this happened several times because I can’t spend an hour and a half alone without someone needing a snack/their toenail looked at/help with the wifi/other random thing they really could fix on their own). But, even without having to be on guard, I am always multitasking while watching a movie – folding laundry, dealing with the dogs, working, playing Candy Crush because level 239 thinks it’s better than me, whatever.
Do not recommend on this one. A lot of the back story for the film is delivered through subtitles early in the movie. Best to focus in or you won’t know why Mr. Mafia does what he does.
Fortunately, it’s mostly in English.
Thanks to our main man being Italian and his victim/lover being Polish, they can only communicate via English.
Expect there to be random times where the subtitles revive themselves when Mr. Mafia has to converse with his henchmen, but the majority of the movie can be enjoyed while finishing off a basket or two of clothes. Or showing Candy Crush who’s boss.
The acting isn’t great.
And the plot leaves a lot to be desired.
Let’s be clear here – no one is watching this thing because of the Oscar winning performances. We’re watching it for one reason and one reason only…
The sex is insane.
There are some serious sex scenes in this film.
Like open air, not a stitch of clothing, sweaty everything, don’t actually peep the P, but almost definitely can see it a little type of sex scenes.
It’s a lot wild and a lot dirty in that rough grab-your-throat-and-snatch-you-back-way that people seem to think is hot and passionate for other people even though the idea of actually getting snatched and grabbed around the throat is pretty frightening on a day to day basis.
There are even a few oral experiences of the type you don’t often see on the screen without a much stronger rating (in fact, now that I think about it, I don’t even know what a movie with a higher rating would look like) and a four minute scene on a yacht, the likes of which I’ve yet to encounter.
To give you an idea about how graphic this thing is, some have even posited that the characters were, erm, shall we say “doing their own stunts” in this one.
I’ve researched the validity of these claims (for all of you of course) and the filmmakers and actors deny this noting that they worked very hard to make it as authentic as possible without crossing the line into something unsavory.
Dude is a literal gangster.
Like the leader of a Mafia family or whatever.
And he kidnapped this chick.
Like drugged her and tied her up and carried her off to a location against her will.
There’s a lot of crazy stuff going on and the sex falls in line with all of that. It only makes sense that Mr. Mafia is not someone interested in having a romantic night in the fantasy suite Bachelor style. He’s more into the red room of pain type of loving. If you can even call it that.
And he’s smoking hot.
Like next level hot.
Like, not gonna lie, I could almost see how one might be able to get over the whole kidnapped by a stone cold killer thing.
He’s also filthy rich and super powerful, just to be clear.
The 50 Shades comparisons are largely unfair.
Sure, Mr. Mafia is rich and powerful and smoking hot a la Christian Gray and he basically knows his way around leather cuff and foot bars (I’m not an expert here, but it’s that long metal pole they tie to your ankles to so you can’t close your legs). But, he’s not really hardcore living that whole dom/sub life the way Christian was.
He’s a dude who is clearly used to getting his way in the bedroom and he’s not necessarily interested in being gentlemanly about it. In fact, in comparison, Christian almost seems like a teddy bear compared to Mr. Mafia at points and he’s not really into keeping women long term in general.
You may find yourself triggered.
If murder, mayhem, depictions of unhealthy sexual relationships (consensual, but toxic) that might actually be considered pornography, perpetuation of toxic masculinity, and the like are triggers for you then this movie ain’t about to be your jam.
Many have labeled what develops between Mr. Mafia’s and his object of affection as Stockholm Syndrome (you know the thing where the hostage starts to like or even love their captor). They argue that she’s suffering from an actual psychological condition as opposed to falling madly in love with her captor while enjoying his hot bod and sexual prowess.
I’ll agree that I struggled with the whole it’s cool you stalked me and kidnapped me and now are keeping me as your hostage for 365 days hoping to make me fall in love with you premise. It’s just so wild. And scary. Not to mention illegal.
I usually try to find a way to connect to the characters in books and films I indulge in, but since I can’t even begin to imagine a situation wherein I’d be kidnapped for any reason that wasn’t going to imminently lead to my demise, this one was a bigger leap.
And also, he’s bossy and murdery in a way I find both annoying and frightening were I to actually encounter an individual with this personality and proclivities. I’d legit run for the hills and mean it (none of the half-ass escape tactics homegirl goes for in the movie). That said, it’s fiction and at my age my mind is comfortable with that.
In case it’s not ridiculously apparent at this point, you don’t want to watch this film with your kids or your parents.
I mean I surely wouldn’t (though I did go see both 50 Shades with my mom). I honestly didn’t even screen this one with my husband. He’s what I like to call an in movie critic and I wanted to be able to watch it without someone breaking down all of the inconsistencies and unlikelihoods while doing so.
It ends on a cliffhanger.
Normally I find this frustrating, but in this case it’s because it’s from a book that’s part of a trilogy and you know how those go sometimes.
Personally, I’ll be annoyed if I discover they’re not going to make part 2, but for now I’m giving them the benefit of the doubt here and saying they’re staying true to the story and not just trying to be jerks with their dumb, unresolved ending.