Today is a special day at Casa de Dummies!
Not special as in it’s a day that we plan to do anything different than any other day, but a day we like to recognize anyway.
Because, nine years ago today Dumb Dad and I tied the knot.
I became his ball and chain, he became my old man (I mean that literally, because he is older than me, like way older, or at least two years) in an intimate (think small and cheapish) ceremony in Ft. Belvoir, Virginia.
It was a happy day.
He looked younger, I looked thinner.
It was a very emotional and happy day.
And, I’ll remember it, in parts (like everything before the reception, a couple of moments during, and pretty much nothing after the bottle started popping) forever.
I’ve been blogging since 2008 which means I’ve done the whole this-is-our-anniversary-and-I-married-him-cause-I-hearts-him-hard post like 3 times already.
So, I’ll spare you.
And instead, give you something you can actually use: tips for being married forever.
Or nine years. Which somehow feels like forever some days.
Dumb Mom’s Guide to Having an Awesome Marriage for a Bunch of Years
1. Pick smart. I’m pretty sure that picking my polar opposite as a spouse is the best thing I could’ve done for myself in the husband picking department. Our similarities pretty much only include being born in California, graduating from the University of California, Irvine, and being heterosexual. Fortunately for us, we respect and appreciate each other’s difference, and bond over the fact that we love one another largely because of, not in spite of, these things. Which I guess is one more thing we have in common. Score!
2. Lower your expectations. This way, when your partner snores straight through his turn to feed your screaming infant for the fourth night in a row you won’t want to punch him in his tongue. Tongue punching is expressly discouraged in holy matrimony.
3. Be prepared to sacrifice. Not shoes, not cupcakes, not computer time. Yourself. You will likely need to give up certain elements of your pre-husband self if you want to become one part of a successful couple. Say, for argument’s sake, you’re a Type A personality who is independent, slightly self centered, and intensely
stubborn headstrong who enjoys and has grown accustomed to making decisions on her own. You may need to pretend not be that way so much and let your man think he is in on some decision making from time to time. Healthy couples make major decisions together. Everyone knows that.
4. Show you care. As someone with the emotional range of a Redwood I can say that I have two general states of emotional being: strong and happy, or battered by the elements and sagging on the ground. So, I show I care in the kitchen. Meaning, if I cook something that isn’t frozen with the instructions on the outside of its box, I’m showing him I care. If he comes home to El Monterey Taquitos and Ore Ida Fries, chances are it’s not his day. Every now and then we get a stint of these I-don’t-give-a-care-so-step-off days, but mostly I try. And he makes sure to praise this effort whole heartedly to ensure that it sticks around for the duration.
5. Listen. Like really, really listen. Sometimes this requires you to do what I like to call, feminine inference. This is where he says something
foolish like: “My mom makes the best tacos!” You hear what he means: “This taco ain’t got nothing on my mama’s!” You smirk smile and respond accordingly: by making a mental note to never, ever make his sorry behind tacos again for so long as you both shall live.
I honestly feel like Dumb Dad and I are really awesome at being a married couple; we rarely argue, we make each other laugh (me WITH him, him AT me), and we’re both devoted to giving The Dudes an awesome, hip-hop filled life with adequate opportunities to make independent choices while they play in the yard
just slightly out of ear shot so as not to annoy us together.
Plus, we’ve been together for a really long time; through all of our most major life moments, and through most of our adulthood too. Actually, I met the man at a freshman orientation
he was trolling for chicks at when I was 18 years old.
stalked me ignored me just long enough to seem interesting and we’ve been together ever since.
At this point, I’m pretty sure I’m perfect for him.
And vice versa.