I didn’t start this blog until Dude #3 was nearing his first birthday.
Which means, as scintillating as everything I write here is, I never got to tell you all of my unruly baby stories. You know the ones, about poop in my palm, and barf on my back, and stickers on every square inch of my butt.
Don’t worry, I’ma tell you now.
Starting with the story that will convince you that you should only buy your kid wooden playthings that are powered by imagination and have no need for battery operation. Or like, go change all of the batteries immediately.
Meet Starry (Dude #3’s name for it):
It lulled every one of The Dudes into peaceful sleep when they were babies and I urge you, if you’re in the this-baby-needs-lulling phase of life, to check this bad boy out; it’s magical and quite possibly the best baby toy ever made: Fisher-Price Ocean Wonders Projector Soother.
SO magical in fact that there was a time in #3’s life when he could not be without said lullabyer. He would put it in this mini backpack. And he would carry it from room to room. And he would fall asleep watching it’s images dance to its music every night of life.
He would fall asleep with it playing from his bag. Or from the toy box he placed it in before he dozed off. Or from under the bathroom sink where he put it while his mama made him sit on the potty until he made or fell asleep.
He couldn’t go down for the night without it.
But, nap time wasn’t always the same.
Because nap time with a third kid isn’t always quite as structured as we’d like it to be. There are the dreaded car naps. And the Mommy-forgot-I-was-watching-the-iPad-under-the-dining-room-table naps. And the always fun Mommy-forgot-I-was-in-time-out-so-I-cried-myself-to-sleep nap.
Don’t you judge me. Third kids get forgotten sometimes. Because third kids make you forgetful!
Anyway, following one such car nap and a rarely successful car to bed transfer maneuver, I was celebrating with a chocolate bar and a bag of pretzels and a jar of peanut butter by catching up on some photo editing in my basement office. I had the baby monitor nearby. I was crunching working. And singing, about girls with poison airbrushed on their backside. It was my happy place.
And then with still more than half of my candy-pretzel-peanut-butter-trifecta left to enjoy I heard a stirring. I sighed. My eyes tear up at the thought of having to rush the last bits of my treat. And then I heard it again.
I turned off the music. I stopped chewing. I turned up the volume on the monitor. And there it was again. The sound of Satan, speaking of stars, possibly predicting the end of days, coming from my child’s room.
I heard it again.
I started to sweat.
I Googled “what to do if your child is possessed”.
I watched a snippet of The Exorcist on YouTube (okay, Linda Blair could act!).
I finished my treat.
And then I heard it again. And again and again and again.
So, I did what any sensible person would do, I called my mom.
She was useless, because she laughed, and then she told me I needed to go check it out. Only, SATAN IS IN MY KID’S BEDROOM, I DON’T WANT TO CHECK IT OUT.
But, because I am literally the best mom ever, I crept up the stairs, and I grabbed the scissors from the junk drawer (in case Satan wasn’t actually inside of the kid, but just like, hanging out in his room), and I ran, full speed into his room, startling him from his sleep and finding that he not only wasn’t possessed but he was still asleep. Because, from the looks of things, Satan is still hanging out in Hell where he belongs. And my WAS still peacefully napping. I could’ve finished my snack work!
Grrrr, what was that freaking sound?!
Lullaby Star Toy. Of. Course.
The batteries were in the making-evil-sounds-and-turning-on-mysteriously phase of dying. Because who ever changes the batteries in their kids’ toys? Because who isn’t just waiting for them to die so you never have to hear them again? Because who doesn’t wait until their kid BEGS them to make their toy sing again before they open it only to discover the batteries are leaky and rusty and poison and ew?
I mean, I’ve heard about people like that.
And, I’ve also heard about a new, better battery from Energizer. Energizer Max with Power Seal is the answer to basically all of these problems (except for the never having to hear it again one; it will probably work forever if you use these). The power seal technology of Energizer Max prevents leaky batteries from happening and ruining toys for up to two full years. And, they even those of us who only change the batteries in our kids’ toys when they have turned evil.
Wanna chat more? And win cool prizes? Join me, The Motherhood, and Energizer for a fun #NoLeaksGuaranteed Twitter party Tuesday, May 20 at 1p ET.
We can chat about their innovative, long-lasting battery that can protect your household devices or children’s toys from damaging leaks. And car naps. And snacks we eat while our kids are sleeping. And, that one time, you stayed in your basement all night because you heard a motion sensor toy playing Mary Had a Little Lamb upstairs while your dog barked and growled at an empty corner.
Deets and RSVP here: http://twtvite.com/noleaksguaranteed
*Note: this is a sponsored post via the Motherhood on behalf of Energizer Max. They did not send a possessed toy to my house nor did they tell me I should write about this experience or promise people that using their batteries would prevent them. That’s not true anyway. The only thing I can say for sure is that kid toys scare me sometimes and all opinions are my own. Also, there are affiliate links in this post. Mama needs shoes!