So, I’m going to lose weight this year.
There, I said it. You read it. So let it be done.
Here’s hoping I can will a slimmer waistline into existence.
The annual vow to lose weight is one of those unspoken-but-widely-accepted tidbits of my existence.
My desire to be less jiggly and more healthy is always there, in the background, waiting to rear it’s seemingly unattainable head at the start of every year.
Sucker-who-clearly-enjoys-failure-and-shame that I am, I pretty much always sorta-kinda-commit-to-it-but-not-really-enough-to-make-it-happen.
Only one year did I actually achieve any level of success with regards to this resolution. That was the year in which I actually made a plan; with steps and such for ensuring my success.
I call it my Jennifer Hudson year; the one where I joined Weight Watchers and got all slender-ish and stuff!
By sticking to “the plan” and nursing an insatiable infant baby whose overzealous suckling essentially sucked my body fat straight out my chest through my girls assisted in calorie burning.
I dropped a total of 65lbs that year (this wasn’t even me at my slimmest, but I can’t even squeeze my pinky finger into this dress anymore)!
Unless you have a hungry newborn or an intense eating disorder to loan me I don’t intend to lose 65lbs this go around.
Matter of fact, if I lose 65lbs someone is probably going to need to call me an ambulance; because I haven’t been under 100lbs since middle school, or maybe birth.
I’m aiming for a cool 20ish this go around.
And, just like last time when I was successful at dropping a 10 year old from my tummy, back, thighs, and butt, I have me a plan!
Mom’s Guide to Losing The Baby Weight for the Vastly Post Partum Mother
1. Get a plan. A multifaceted one that involves changing my eating habits (I’m giving up fast food entirely for the month of January and reinvesting all of the scratch I’m gonna save into a gym membership!), working out (as per step one), and participating in a noninvasive medical procedure to help me with my efforts (more on that later!) is all lined up.
2. Get some support. In addition to working out more and giving up the nectar of the Gods McDonald’s, I am also joining a couple of weight loss/get fit challenges. The Internet is filled with these weight loss support communities and joining them is often free! Get skinny for free? Yes, please!
3. Make Time for Movement. Sure, eating less McDonalds and fewer cupcakes and more leafy greens would certainly help me slim down my badonkadonk. But, for me, it’s more than just the existence of junk in my trunk that I find bothersome; it’s also the composition of that junk that makes me gag a little. Everything on this body is just so loose. And soft. And smoosh-able. It used to be tight and firm and, at least actively putting up a fight against gravity. Gravity owns me now. It has every single piece of everything on my person straining to touch the earth’s floor. And, while I enjoy being a soft cuddle, if I’m going to be a bear, I’d like to be less Winnie the Pooh and more Kung Fu Panda. Po just seems less dopey more agile and um, firm, you know, for a bear. The only way I see me becoming the more Kung Fu-ish version of myself though is to get my buns to moving a little more. I’ve already decided to use Just Dance 3 every day at home in order to teach my children that I am gangsta when it comes to dropping it like it’s hot work up a sweat without even having to get dressed (yes, I sometimes dance in my skivvies & my running shoes; it’s scary but laundry saving). But, I’m doing the whole gym thing too. So I can get some young muscular beefcake personal training specialist to help me sculpt and tone my way to awesomeness or whatever.
4. Think about your food. And I don’t just mean the cupcakes, chocolates, and guac dip you’re hiding from your kids in the garage. I am talking about trying to do a better job of planning and preparing more healthful meals at home. The Dudes and Dumb Dad deserve more than a nightly meal of frozen taquitos, corndogs, and Goldfish, you know?! To help my uncreative-in-the-kitchen-mind, I’ve decided to incessantly stalk the recipe section of one of my favorite magazines/websites (Real Simple) to help me plan nightly, home-cooked-simple meals to serve our on-the-go family (I will share them with you guys in the Dumb Mom Blog Frog Community so you can follow along if you want!).
5. Do something dramatic. Join a gym. Do a cleanse. Start meditating. Do something you’ve never done before to jump start your weight loss and get you in the right frame of mind. I tried Laser Lip (it worked marginally well), but I’m also joining the gym. And Weight Watchers. Combined, that’s some serious drama!