Dumb Mom’s Guide to Being Sick.

Well, it’s official…

Virus season is here.

Yeah, blech.

And, we had ourselves quite a launch party this weekend at Casa de Dummies, featuring plenty of puking, pooping, and writhing in pain.

It started with Dumb Dad.

I’ll spare you the gory details and just say that, Sunday morning, after witnessing his late night “incidents”, I gathered The Dudes up, swabbed them down with hand sanitizer and Bleach wipes (they might kill your skin cells and make your hands bleed, but they kill the germs too, you know), and headed to Mimi and Papa’s house so Dumb Dad wouldn’t rub his germs all over us could rest.

Only, as it turns out, I was too late.

Because the tummy-hurts-blues started on the way home.

And, the puking started the exact moment we entered the house (just glad it held off until then because there’s not really any place I hate puke more than inside of my car; it’s like a hot box of hell when that happens).

And, it continued into the night.

So, while Dumb Dad was busy recovering (so, glad you felt good enough to make it to work, Sweetie, and that I could stay home with the bored-and-miraculously-recovered-but-not-until-the-bus-pulled-away kids), I was busy running from room to room with a puke bowl, changing pajamas, and diapers (yes, #3 is potty trained, but he’s been having night accidents and a wicked case of the fast poops), and sheets.

Luckily, it was a short lived virus (that, I seriously better not get because I have stuff to do this week and mom-sick is nothing like dad-sick or kid-sick) that knocked them down, and kept Dude #2 home with us Monday, just as a precaution.

For, future reference, precautions are SO overrated and should only be taken in extreme circumstances.

So, Dumb Mom’s Guide* this week is puke stained and bile tinted.

You know, because I hate suffering alone!

Dumb Mom’s Guide to Sick Days: How to Keep Your Kids Entertained When They’re Too Sick for School, But Not Sick Enough for a Day in Bed (actually, this is just going to be a fail list because I haven’t a clue how to accomplish it successfully)

1.  Use your nice voice.  As much as you want to yell at everyone who looks at you, don’t do it.  They are sick and they need kindness and understanding.  Even when they are sorta not really acting sick by pouring the fruit smoothie you made them into their lunch plate.  Today is not a day for yelling.  It’s a day for going into the garage and eating their Halloween candy while they sleep.  You can yell at them double tomorrow.

2.  Be quick.  When a Dude starts writhing around in his sleep and kicking like a crazy man it probably means his stomach is in knots and it’s about to blow.  Grab your puke bowl and roll them over into it.  Or, be prepared to change the sheets, and the bed spread, and his jammies, and yours.  Again.  And then, be prepared to get a hot bucket of bleach water and clean your walls, and your floor, and your ceiling fan.  Because no one wants to smell that nasty all night or wake up and have it splattered all over you when you flip the the light switch

3.  Think comfort.  Make them comfy and they’ll be happier.  At least happy enough that they might fall asleep intermittently allowing you to grab a much needed shower.  We like to go with the floor fort.  And then we, which is a nice way of saying I, tuck them into some cozy blankets, and turn on the TV.  Because after being puked on all night I really just can not stand to smell like a bus station all day.

4.  Be creative.  For the day following the sick day.  You know, the day that you thoughtfully decide to keep them home from school because they stayed up puking all night and must be so super tired (because you are).  It’s supposed to be the rest day.  Only, they refuse to rest.  Instead, they dress up like crime fighting hobos (they don’t even look a little sick, do they?)…

 

Which starts out fun, but always ends with someone (#3) going all vigilante and scratching the unfortunate sidekick (#2) across the face with his crazy hobo nails.  What I should have done is put on Chitty Chitty Bang Bang or Sesame Street’s A-to-Zoo Adventure to keep them busy (like that sneaky little self promo for the giveaways I’m hosting? Cool, right?!).

5.  Watch them.  Like. A.  Hawk.  Because they could start to puke or poop without warning, messing your couch, your living room floor and the mantle (seriously?  How did it get up there, that’s like across the room!), and making #1 mentioned above virtually impossible.  Or.  Even better.  They could start feeling completely fine and, instead of coloring nicely like you ask them to while you make their flavorless-puke-preventing lunch, they use those baby scissors that won’t cut through colored paper to save their lives, but somehow work perfectly when your toddler decides to cut.  His. Hair!

 

Thank goodness the little stinker has plenty to spare!

How do you keep your little people comfy on sick days?  Obviously I need some tips!

Come back tomorrow (or tonight at 11pm Eastern when it goes live) and link up to this week’s Wordful Wednesday post!

*Perhaps you didn’t notice (because you never really cared), but the Mom Tip Tuesday linky meme thingy is gone.  It’s on hiatus for a bit until people beg for me to bring it back so that they can actually participate I feel like revitalizing it.  If you happen to write about a tip during the week and you want me to read it (and share it; I always share stuff I like) just leave the link in the comments and I’ll check it out.  Think I’ll just have a tip of the week type thing were I share other people’s pointers in my post.  Or something.  If I want to.