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November 9, 2010 by: DudeMom

Dumb Mom’s Guide to Being Sick.

Well, it’s official…

Virus season is here.

Yeah, blech.

And, we had ourselves quite a launch party this weekend at Casa de Dummies, featuring plenty of puking, pooping, and writhing in pain.

It started with Dumb Dad.

I’ll spare you the gory details and just say that, Sunday morning, after witnessing his late night “incidents”, I gathered The Dudes up, swabbed them down with hand sanitizer and Bleach wipes (they might kill your skin cells and make your hands bleed, but they kill the germs too, you know), and headed to Mimi and Papa’s house so Dumb Dad wouldn’t rub his germs all over us could rest.

Only, as it turns out, I was too late.

Because the tummy-hurts-blues started on the way home.

And, the puking started the exact moment we entered the house (just glad it held off until then because there’s not really any place I hate puke more than inside of my car; it’s like a hot box of hell when that happens).

And, it continued into the night.

So, while Dumb Dad was busy recovering (so, glad you felt good enough to make it to work, Sweetie, and that I could stay home with the bored-and-miraculously-recovered-but-not-until-the-bus-pulled-away kids), I was busy running from room to room with a puke bowl, changing pajamas, and diapers (yes, #3 is potty trained, but he’s been having night accidents and a wicked case of the fast poops), and sheets.

Luckily, it was a short lived virus (that, I seriously better not get because I have stuff to do this week and mom-sick is nothing like dad-sick or kid-sick) that knocked them down, and kept Dude #2 home with us Monday, just as a precaution.

For, future reference, precautions are SO overrated and should only be taken in extreme circumstances.

So, Dumb Mom’s Guide* this week is puke stained and bile tinted.

You know, because I hate suffering alone!

Dumb Mom’s Guide to Sick Days: How to Keep Your Kids Entertained When They’re Too Sick for School, But Not Sick Enough for a Day in Bed (actually, this is just going to be a fail list because I haven’t a clue how to accomplish it successfully)

1.  Use your nice voice.  As much as you want to yell at everyone who looks at you, don’t do it.  They are sick and they need kindness and understanding.  Even when they are sorta not really acting sick by pouring the fruit smoothie you made them into their lunch plate.  Today is not a day for yelling.  It’s a day for going into the garage and eating their Halloween candy while they sleep.  You can yell at them double tomorrow.

2.  Be quick.  When a Dude starts writhing around in his sleep and kicking like a crazy man it probably means his stomach is in knots and it’s about to blow.  Grab your puke bowl and roll them over into it.  Or, be prepared to change the sheets, and the bed spread, and his jammies, and yours.  Again.  And then, be prepared to get a hot bucket of bleach water and clean your walls, and your floor, and your ceiling fan.  Because no one wants to smell that nasty all night or wake up and have it splattered all over you when you flip the the light switch

3.  Think comfort.  Make them comfy and they’ll be happier.  At least happy enough that they might fall asleep intermittently allowing you to grab a much needed shower.  We like to go with the floor fort.  And then we, which is a nice way of saying I, tuck them into some cozy blankets, and turn on the TV.  Because after being puked on all night I really just can not stand to smell like a bus station all day.

4.  Be creative.  For the day following the sick day.  You know, the day that you thoughtfully decide to keep them home from school because they stayed up puking all night and must be so super tired (because you are).  It’s supposed to be the rest day.  Only, they refuse to rest.  Instead, they dress up like crime fighting hobos (they don’t even look a little sick, do they?)…

 _MG_2303 _MG_2306_MG_2307

Which starts out fun, but always ends with someone (#3) going all vigilante and scratching the unfortunate sidekick (#2) across the face with his crazy hobo nails.  What I should have done is put on Chitty Chitty Bang Bang or Sesame Street’s A-to-Zoo Adventure to keep them busy (like that sneaky little self promo for the giveaways I’m hosting? Cool, right?!).

5.  Watch them.  Like. A.  Hawk.  Because they could start to puke or poop without warning, messing your couch, your living room floor and the mantle (seriously?  How did it get up there, that’s like across the room!), and making #1 mentioned above virtually impossible.  Or.  Even better.  They could start feeling completely fine and, instead of coloring nicely like you ask them to while you make their flavorless-puke-preventing lunch, they use those baby scissors that won’t cut through colored paper to save their lives, but somehow work perfectly when your toddler decides to cut.  His. Hair!

 _MG_2291 _MG_2299

Thank goodness the little stinker has plenty to spare!

How do you keep your little people comfy on sick days?  Obviously I need some tips!

Come back tomorrow (or tonight at 11pm Eastern when it goes live) and link up to this week’s Wordful Wednesday post!

*Perhaps you didn’t notice (because you never really cared), but the Mom Tip Tuesday linky meme thingy is gone.  It’s on hiatus for a bit until people beg for me to bring it back so that they can actually participate I feel like revitalizing it.  If you happen to write about a tip during the week and you want me to read it (and share it; I always share stuff I like) just leave the link in the comments and I’ll check it out.  Think I’ll just have a tip of the week type thing were I share other people’s pointers in my post.  Or something.  If I want to.

Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: crime fighting hobos and such, how to help kids when they are sick, making your kids worship you, tips for moms



Dumb Mom Movie List. Chitty Chitty Bang Bang.
Wordful Wednesday. Holiday Photo Cards.

Comments

  1. Kristy says

    November 9, 2010 at 10:53 pm

    Yeah, I know. Number 4 is soooo true. I’m hoping we are done with sickness for a while we had a few bouts of it last month. The worst is when it keeps you up at night.

  2. JustMom420zaks says

    November 9, 2010 at 10:31 pm

    Sick kids are the worst! Well, next to almost well/want to be out of bed kids. Here’s to hoping you don’t get it… you get to clean up your OWN puke and poop.

  3. Mrs.Mayhem says

    November 10, 2010 at 12:28 am

    Puke and poop sicknesses are the worst! Hope everyone is better soon (and it doesn’t boomerang around the family again!).

  4. Ordinary Em says

    November 9, 2010 at 6:25 pm

    Eww!!! My best advice-half cran-raspberry juice/half water(or pedialyte if they need it). This was the best for getting my children to take in fluids without too much sugar. Gradually reducing the volume on that movie can help them drift off to “mommy’s break room.” I mean sleep.

  5. Maggie S. says

    November 9, 2010 at 6:19 pm

    Thanks for the advice, my kids get sick so infrequently that all I can do is slip and slide in the mess and try to remember the lessons learned the last time.

  6. Kristi {at} Live and Love...Out Loud says

    November 9, 2010 at 5:53 pm

    What a nightmare! Isn’t it amazing how energized these kids feel after the yellow chariot from heaven pulls away without them? Poop, puke, hair cutting? You totally need a spa day. :(
    As for parenting tips, all I’ve got is the post I wrote a few days ago. The one that features a horribly grainy iPhone photo of my toddler feeding a tampon to her sleeping daddy. Yes. She really did. lol http://liveandloveoutloud.com/2010/11/05/parenting-tip-never-leave-your-toddler-unattended/

    Kristi, Live and Love…Out Loud
    @TweetingMama

    PS Keeping my fingers crossed that you stay healthy, puke and poop free.

  7. Kmama says

    November 9, 2010 at 3:47 pm

    Ugh. I really hope you avoid getting sick.

    I don’t have any tips, because typically, when my kids aren’t feeling 100%, but not sick in bed, they imprison me on the couch and won’t let me move.

  8. Jennifer says

    November 9, 2010 at 3:37 pm

    Oh Oh Oh Ohhhh…….your kids gave this to me, huh? My kids are fine too. I spent the entire night last night locked away in my own little chamber of horrors. I just crawled out, and while the upchucking as ceased, well, I must stay near my chamber lets say.

    Everything aches. Even my eyeballs which must be dehydrated too. Thank God for Hubs taking all the little men to their respectable drop off points. I must now recover, cause I just know they will all start tomorrow! (hopefully not..)

  9. Jen says

    November 9, 2010 at 1:12 pm

    Girl, I feel you pain expect it is me who is sick. The kids are healthy as horses. There is something wrong with that.

  10. Dawn says

    November 9, 2010 at 12:30 pm

    Glad your kids feel better and seriously hoping no viruses make their way to our house!

  11. Celia says

    November 9, 2010 at 6:13 am

    You have seriously cute kids!

  12. Angel says

    November 9, 2010 at 4:23 am

    I have to say that I have not been sick thus far. Neither have either of the boys since I got them started on their Reliv product. That stuff has been wonderful for this whole house

  13. Allison @ Alli 'n Son says

    November 9, 2010 at 4:01 am

    I put in Shrek, grab my phone and catch up blogs, twitter and emails while the kiddo watches it over, and over, and over… We really need to get the other Shrek movies for some variety.

  14. Jennifer says

    November 9, 2010 at 3:35 am

    I give mine Motrin and ship them back to school. Kidding. When mine are sick I try to make them cozy on the couch surrounded my towels and a bucket and whatever movie they want to watch.

    And why is the pukes and poops always hit at night? I mean for real.

  15. Metro DC Mom says

    November 9, 2010 at 3:24 am

    You poor thing! I hate those kind of viruses more than just about anything. I’ve been known to make the bed in layers, with a waterproof layer in the middle so the bed is ready to go once the ick layer is yanked off. Thankfully, (and I’m sure I’m jinxing myself) my kids are pretty good about hitting the trash cans in their rooms.

    Oh, and when we’ve had a rough night, I’m one of those bad moms that lifts the limits on electronics.

    Fingers crossed that you don’t get it!

All about the Dude Mom

Dude Mom is a humor, lifestyle blog written by the best mom in the world. In her free time she enjoys losing weight easily, looking like a soap star the moment she rolls out of bed, and riding around town on her unicorn. Also, she may be slightly delusional. Read More…

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