Dumb Dad is excruciatingly difficult to shop for.
It’s not that he has everything, it’s more that he has everything I can afford to buy him, that he actually wants or likes.
Plus he’s a picky little bugger.
On the rare occasions when I actually am able to come up with a suitable, and perhaps even pleasurable gift for him, I get so excited.
It’s like the true spirit of Christmas (you know the whole it’s about giving, not receiving thingy) comes through when I get my hands on an awesome man gift that I know he will love.
Otherwise, I’m pretty bah hum bug about the whole thing.
It’s the pressure, you know?!
But I have a few ideas for the Numero Uno Dumb Dude in my life, which I will naturally share with you here…
1. A Mac. Only, guess what? Dumb Dad already has one. See? Like I said, he already owns everything cool that I can afford.
2. A video game. BORING. But, he will undoubtedly get one, because we get home one every year. For Christmas. For his birthday. For Father’s Day. And sometimes, in a particularly desperate year, for our anniversary too. Luckily he does enjoy gaming immensely and he has a long list of games he desires: Gran Turismo, Red Dead Redemption, and some-other-similarly-imagined-role-playing-game-involving-blood-and-guns (and, no, he doesn’t play them in front of The Dudes.)
3. A shave. Dumb Dad has always wanted to get a professional shave at a barber shop. You know the kind where they use that big razor blade? The scary-horror-film-looking one? With the hot towels and the frothy face lather. The whole nine yards. So, I found this cool looking man spa in D.C. that he might want to try. Thinking about getting him a gift card to the place. And, barring that I might just go ahead and get him some body products made specifically for men. I like it when he smells all Dude fresh. And, he likes it when his hands and face don’t dry out and crack and bleed all over the place. I’m not as concerned with that issue as I am with the scent. My olfactory system knows what it likes.
4. Beer. He’s a dude after all. Think he might enjoy having 99 bottles of beer on his wall. And, it’s a mail order beer of the month club thing so I pretty much have to do nothing to ensure he gets it. Me likey!
5. A ninja umbrella. Are there dudes who DON’T enjoy ninja or ninja related accessories? I doubt it. I think he thinks he’s too cool to actually carry a ninja umbrella. But, I think, it’s freakin’ PERFECT.
Thinks I won’t get him…
1. Anything alive. He hates pets. He likes kids related to him via DNA. He’s clearly not a candidate for owning something that requires care. Although I did get him a cactus once that he was pretty happy with. They require little care though, so yeah.
2. A novelty gift. Dumb Dad is a dork, but he doesn’t know it. Which means, he would never use a hand shaped pen holder, or a monster hoodie, or any type of personalized gift. He would see such items as a burden and a source of inner turmoil: not wanting to hurt my feelings by stashing them in the back of the closet while also not even able to imagine a more suitable place for such. I don’t wanna put him through that.
3. Music or books. Unless it’s in the form of a gift card. We have vastly different tastes in both of these areas (I likes dead people, I prefer the undead. He likes lounge music, I don’t even know what that is.).
4. Clothing. Remember before? When I said he was picky? I totally meant he won’t wear a stitch of clothing he doesn’t inspect and select himself. It’s been a rare occasion that I’ve purchased wearable items for him that he actually decided to keep. Rare.
5. Something to do with The Dudes. He would totally love it, but it feels like such a cop out. Like, I couldn’t be bothered to come up with a gift idea for you that you would find enjoyable personally, so instead, I bought you tickets to some animated feature film that will probably make your ears bleed. Of course he enjoys spending time with The Dudes and doing things that they love, but not always, ya know?!
This is soooo hard!
But, as I’m a giving, caring, thoughtful blogger who is a wealth of resources and information, I;m giving away a gift to one of you to make your Grown-Up Dude holiday shopping somewhat easier.
A fresh making gift bag from Every Man Jack packed with the essentials for making your Dude look good and smell clean. Or vice versa.
You don’t have to give it to your hubs. Give it to your dad, or your brother, or that guy across the street who likes to water his grass shirtless (only if you’re not married; I;m no home wrecker!).
How do you get in on this gift giving action?
Like always, so super easy, it’s not even fair…
1. Follow me. On the blog, or where ever else your stalking leads you.
2. Leave a comment telling me
that Dumb Dad should just be happy he has me because I’m such a gift the best gift (other than a child) you have ever given the man in your life.
3. Live in America, or move here by 12/17/10 at midnight, when the contest closes.
And, you’re in!
Be sure to enter my other contest where you can win a $250 Amazon GC just for sharing a smiley photo of someone you love!