Happy Human Hacks: How to Make Your Kids Behave.

Finding ways to live a full life more easily has been on my to-do list for years, probably since womb days.

29+ years later and I am still working on simplifying my living.  Not to the point of like no-cell-phones-I-live-off-the-land-and-stuff simple, but you know, less drama, less clutter, less crazy, less everything but chocolate and money. More money.  No way have I reached the point in my life where I think I have more money than I can handle.

So, I’ve added Make Life Easier to my list of quests for 2014.

And, like every single other quest I embark upon, I’m taking all of you with me (you like it, you know you do)!

Enter Happy Human Hacks: Teaching humankind how to easily do everything better.

I was going to start this series by tackling something epic, like organizing my garage, or downsizing my wardrobe.  But then, instead of digging out my industrial work gloves (spiders, okay, there are massive spiders), I went shopping and found the ca-ute-est dress, and figured those would be Happy Human Hacks for the future!

Instead, let’s talk about something all of us struggle with in some shape or form: getting your kids to straighten up and fly right.

How to Make Your Kids Do Your Bidding Behave Better

1.  Clarity.  Kids are super smart.  Sometimes, smarter than most of the grown folks they know.  But, they still have a lot of learnin’ to do about little things like sarcasm, and innuendo, and dealing with passive aggressive in-laws.  What’s that mean for your parenting?  Say what you mean and mean what you say.  If you want your kid to clean his room, be clear.  Sure, GO CLEAN YOUR ROOM, screamed, top of your lungs style seems clear to you, but your kid may not now exactly how to get from point down right nasty to point clean as a whistle.  Also, if you’re dealing with a tween Dude, like I am, probably he just heard, “AHHHHHHHHHH!” anyway.  Instead of a sweeping command, give your kids clear, concise instructions. This works for me: I want you to clean your room.  That means, all underwear and socks should be in the hamper, not on the floor or behind your bed.  Your bed should be made (do not look in my room for an example) and all of the toys on your floor, under your bed or shoved into your closet should be put exactly where they belong.  When that’s done, call me and we can talk about what to do next.  BOOM.

2.  R-E-S-P-E-C-T.  Of course, you and every grown up in the land expect that they have some for you and the other elders in the village, but I like to remind peeps that this one goes both ways.  You can’t scream and holler and belittle and shame your kid into being a good person.  And, if you want them to know what respect looks like, you have to show them by giving them some.  When it comes down to it, kids are humans.  Tiny ones that count.  They deserve things like common courtesy and privacy.  (Note: privacy does not mean that you can’t read their texts, it means they can pee with the door closed, um-kay?).

3.  Attention.  It’s a basic fact for most kids, when they get plenty of positive, engaged, parental attention, they don’t feel the need to act like jerks quite so often.  Why?  Because they don’t have to.  Giving them quality phone-in-your-pocket-making-eye-contact-and-everything type of interaction helps reduce the acting out kids do when they feel ignored or unimportant.  So, when they get off the bus today and want to tell you the LONGEST STORY EVER about how Maddie and Maddie and Maddie where doing whatever with whoever for some random, really ridiculous reason, listen, ask a few questions, and thank them for sharing.  Then later, when you’re all, “Mommy has to just finish this level of Candy Crush thing for work, play Flappy Bird for a minute,” they might just let you.

4.  Get your “Mom Look” in order.  You know the one, where your kids know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that you mean business.  When I pull out my Mom Look, the Dudes know what’s up.  Action, whichever one I demand, happens immediately; no counting, no groveling, no arguing, or arm crossing because, ain’t nobody got time for that when Mom Look comes out.  This one is to be used sparingly so as not to desensitize your minions to its effects.

5.  Act with love.  The Dudes know that even when crazy-banshee-we-are-going-to-be-late-for-school-if-you-don’t-MOOOOVE Mom is in da house, I am still 100% I-love-you-more-than-Ryan-Gosling-in-his-underwear-baking-me-cookies-and-serving-me-wine-after-work Mom.  I show them daily.  I tell them constantly.  I prove it with my actions.  They know they can trust me because I don’t lie to them.  They know they can talk to me because I listen.  They know they can count on me because I am always here.  And, they do my bidding because they want to!