Like everyone else in America, I had grand plans to buy Mega Millions lotto ticket last week.
That billion dollars was calling my name!
And then, Dude 3 got strep throat and I had to stay home pretty much all of Friday, and then Saturday I got super busy with football and soccer and Hoco prep for Dude, and somehow, in a moment of insanely bad judgement, I totally forgot to go buy my winning Mega Millions ticket.
Clearly my priorities need readjusting.
Luckily, no one won!
Which is great because it was killing me to think that some fool was out there walking around with my billion dollars like it was supposed to be theirs the entire time.
Not because I am a habitual lottery player.
I’m not one of those people who has “my numbers” already. I don’t enter work pools or family pools. I mean, I barely even get in the swimming pool, so forget the one that requires my hard earned cash for very little chance of return.
I can truly count on one hand the number of times I’ve actually purchased a lottery ticket, especially the Mega Millions type (I am more of a scratch off girl because I enjoy instant gratification).
But, someone leaves a billion dollars laying around and you better believe I’m calling shotgun.
It’s just the winning part that I’ve got to figure out.
The problem is, I’m just not much of a gambler.
I’m too cheap for that life.
And I require surer odds before I wager the little bit of money I have on something.
Like, I need to be able to study, or practice, or I don’t know, cheat.
There’s none of that with the lottery.
It’s shear luck.
And not the kind of luck I have in my life.
The way my luck is set up, I’m the person at a packed music festival who somehow is the one happy concert goer who gets crapped on by a bird the size of a Volkswagen who is clearly suffering from a terrible hemorrhoid flare up.
The “kind of can’t even believe that happened because it’s so epically bad” type of luck.
That said, it’s okay to dream a little.
I can’t even really wrap my brain around what a billion dollars feels like, but if I really had to add that to my bank account courtesy of the Mega Millions winnings, I’m pretty sure I could figure out a few things to do.
15 Real Things to Do If You Win the Mega Millions $1 Billion Dollars
Don’t post about it on social media.
Be prepared for your entire life to change.
Personally, the first thing I would do is pay off all of my debt. And that of my immediate family, my best friend, and anyone else I love who needs it. Debt sucks the joy out of life and, if I had $1 billion dollars I’d want to spread as much happy as possible, starting with the people who are most important to me now.
Decide if you want a lump sum or payments.
Mega Millions jackpot winners can choose between a cash option and a payout option. The cash option is a one-time, lump-sum payment that is equal to all the cash in the Mega Millions jackpot prize pool. Right now, that’s about 9.04 million bucks. The payment option provides for an initial large payment and the remainder payed to you in 29 annual payments. Each payment is 5 percent larger than the previous one so it’s kinda like you get a raise each year for 29 years.
Think about your safety.
Financial safety for sure, but this is the kind of thing that gets you kidnapped and held for ransom, right? I’d hire a smoking hot security team to follow me and my Dudes around all the time. They would also be in charge of carrying things, driving, and massages. Because, of course.
Hire a financial team.
Because unless you’re already a billionaire you’re probably not going to be able to even balance your new billionaire check book.
And then, save for the future.
Yours and that of your children. Not that I could even figure out what to spend a billion dollars on, but the idea that my children and their children, and probably even their children’s children, could live without the burden of financial insecurity for the entirety of their lives would be quite a gift.
Pay your taxes.
Don’t play. The government will come for their part of your billion faster than your mom’s step uncle on her daddy’s side, so be prepared.
Get your travel on.
Personally, I’d plan to visit all of the places. And I’m not even going to think about staying in a Best Western, or whatever would be the equivalent in the Maldives (do they even have this?!). I’m all about that luxury travel life where you don’t have to carry all od your belongings in a backpack or sleep in a sketchy place with bunk beds and three other strangers to make it work. I want air conditioning in places that don’t usually have it and food that hasn’t been questionably stored. And a bed with a thread count to boast about. And turn down service, the kind where they leave you a little edible treat on your pillow.
You know, the fancy things.
Invest in real estate.
I hear it’s a smart move.
Me, I’m buying ten houses someplace warmer.
On a compound. A big one. With a tram to get from house to house. Because you know how it is when you’re too close to people. Even if you like them, you get kinda sick of seeing them all the time. All of my immediate family members would get their own crib. And so would my bestie.
Then I’d have two guest houses so my friends could come visit and I’d save one for the people I need around to care for the place because no, as a billionaire I would not do dishes ever again in life. Or laundry, Or driving in rush hour traffic. Or, like, grocery shopping. I’d pay my staff handsomely and give them a lovely house to live in and paternity leave and maternity leave and like vacation. I aspire to be an awesome billionaire employer.
Give to your community.
Because at some point it gave to you.
I wouldn’t even have to be a billionaire to do this one. I really would just need like a couple million. Our community is in desperate need of an indoor sports facility for the kids in our area. We have so many children who want to enjoy sports and physical fitness and, because it freaking snows and rains and freezes for like half of the year here, we can’t. We have been trying to find a donor and raise the funds to build a facility but have been unsuccessful as of yet.
Let me hit that jackpot and tomorrow construction would start on a the “Amanda Rodriguez Built It Because No One Else Would Indoor Sports Center” tomorrow.
Because, when not limited by time or finances, living a healthy lifestyle should be a priority for everyone.
Do something good for the world.
I’d love to be able to start several foundations for things I am passionate about: youth sports, educational opportunity for kids in low resources areas, animal rescue, environmental conservation, influencing politicians to be decent human being with massive amounts of campaign funds.
You know, things that matter.
Do something special for yourself.
Like, make a year’s worth of lash appointments. Or buy those super expensive, but ridiculously cute shoes you saw online, but didn;t buy because you aren’t made of money.
Only, actually, now you kind of are!
Don’t forget who you are.
Because when the money comes in there will be a bunch of people around who won’t be interested in helping you remember.
And remember, money isn’t everything.
It’s just a lot of nice things that you can totally enjoy now that you have $1 billion dollars.
Don’t forget to buy your ticket, the next drawing, for $1.6 billion dollars is 10/23/18.