When I was younger, our winter break was two weeks long.
A FULL two weeks of lounging around the house.
Driving my mother insane, I’m sure.
I honestly don’t even know how she stood it.
Possibly because she is the mother to one fan-freakin-tastic daughter who is six years older than her leaves-a-lot-to-be-desired younger brother.
Seriously different dynamic than the all Dude home I’m the mistress of. Particularly because there is little more than 3 years between any of them.
Even still, I distinctly recall complaining about being bored, about having to read, about being the only 9 year old girl on the planet not allowed to watch MTV, and about having to spend countless days with a copy-catting 3 year old who followed me around like a tail.
If I wasn’t so awesome, I surely would have been a pain.
The Dudes don’t get a full two weeks though.
Normally I would be overjoyed about this, and while I fully expect I’ll be eating these words next week, I’m just a little sad that we only have a week off during the holiday season.
They let The Dudes out for Christmas Eve, and then they are back in school ready to work the first Monday of the New Year.
A week and a day.
That’s all they get.
get up insanely early sleep in, to refuse to try my new recipes bake with me, to ruin my holiday crafts enjoy making homemade gifts, and to fight.
Which means that’s all I get too.
One week to
be woken up despite having nowhere to go not have to get up and rush, to get laryngitis from screaming at them enjoy their individual personalities, and to eat all of the cookie dough while I recover from their antics in the garage.
It just doesn’t seem like it’s long enough, ya know?
I know what you’re thinking: Dumb Mom is smoking crack. Dumb Mom is getting senile in her old age. Dumb Mom is just plain nuts.
Or, perhaps I’ve just got myself a fail proof plan to make our one week of
hell fun awesome tolerable.
Dumb Mom’s Guide to Surviving Winter Break while allowing your children to do so as well
1. Check out. With wine. Bottles and bottles of wine. Do you realize that there really are such things as morning cocktails? Have one. Every day during the holidays and things will seem much less, um, hectic.*
2. Check in. Or, you can go on a holiday vacation. Not like to visit relatives or something
lame stressful like that. That’s no fun. I’m talking about a trip to Disney or Paris or something unforgettably amazing. I mean after our one night trip to Great Wolf Lodge, Williamsburg a couple of weeks ago I now understand why so many families elect to travel this time of year. Because it’s fun. And the kids can’t get on your nerves if they are happily spending all day at the pool. Or with the on-board nanny. I need to take a freakin’ cruise.
3. Bribe them. It’s been a long time since I’ve suggested this tactic. Not for lack of use (it comes into play three or four times a day here), just because I figure it’s assumed in most every child related interaction. Bribery and coercion are a way of life. And, the holidays just make it easier to accomplish. Why? Because we have a little good behavior insurance device sitting on our fireplace mantle every December to help with that. It’s a Santa Cam; Santa’s eye in the sky so to speak. Yeah, he knows if you’ve been sleeping all right, because he’s filming you like some closet web freak! Not really, but heck, they don’t know that!
4. Bribe others. College is school to. Which means, the BABYSITTERS ARE HOME! And, they love playing with your kids and breaking up their fights and making them snacks they don’t eat! Well, they don’t really love it, but you pay them to act like it so, who cares. As long as they don’t put your kid in a choke hold or show them how to make hairspray torches (like mine did when I was younger!) you’re good to go!
5. Just relax. We have pajama jammie jams pretty much every night starting the week of Thanksgiving (when they start playing holiday movies on TV non-stop). We love ourselves a good movie and when it’s too cold to go outside (we are a family of weather wimps), no school to get up early for, and no real reason to even get off of the couch we’re sorta in our happy place! Luckily Orville Redenbacher and Redbox decided to send us some scrumptious popcorn and movie vouchers recently to help make our pajama jammie jam movie nights an even bigger hit!** So, what did we watch? I lobbied for The Other Guys, Eclipse, or Charlie St. Cloud. But, since The Dudes were present (and Dumb Dad is categorically opposed to movies featuring a vampire, Zach Effron, or both) we went instead with Marmaduke. Gosh I love Owen Wilson. And Orville Redenbacher and Red Box. Oh, and the Hot Tamales. Those dang things sparked a full on royal Rumble at Casa de Dummies. It was the first time The Dudes experienced their scorching hot goodness and they fell in love. Even if their little mouths did get burned from the inside out!
So, how do you make it through the holiday break?
Suggestions maybe completely ignored, but they are more than appreciated!
*A message about consuming alcohol: please don’t think I’m suggesting you do it because I do it. I don’t actually drink very much at all (bum kidney and such). I am simply suggesting that if you are the type to decide to enjoy a morning cocktail every now and again (or daily) you should not feel ashamed about it and you should rest assured that I will not judge you. At least not out loud where you can hear me.
**pBd Admits it’s Free: the popcorn,the candy, and the movie vouchers and gift card were free. Not sure why I have to keep telling you guys this, but for some reason I do. They were not given to me in exchange for my nice words, but I bet they knew I’d say nice things because really who doesn’t like movies and popcorn? I am human after all. An extra awesome one, but still.