In case you haven’t heard, bff, more widely known around here as the Baby Baker completed her baking and popped out a handsome, healthy human baby a couple of weeks ago.
She’s officially a card carrying member of the Dude Mom’s club!
I wanted to just take a moment to share a few things with her to get her ready for Dude kid rearing. She can read it at 2am while she stares into the screaming mouth of her not-sleeping newborn and contemplates the meaning of life.
And sleep deprivation.
Moms of Boys: 15 Things DudeMoms Need to Know
1. Keep your mouth closed when you change diapers. Otherwise, you could realistically have it peed in.
2. It’s smegma. Just Google it and calm down.
3. Get over the word farts. It is officially a part of your vocabulary. Also, they’re hilarious.
4. Yes, your son is obsessed with his junk. I know he’s only 4 months old, but he loves it and he always will.
5. Wanna be a super hero? Learn to make sound effects with your mouth.
6. Guns and swords can be made out of anything. Straws, paper, fingers, sticks, bananas, granola bars bitten creatively by a well trained mouth, those twisty tie thingys they put on bread.
7. That saying “eat you out of house and home” is not a saying, it’s a truth.
8. Sometimes they really do go to sleep and wake up bigger.
9. The first time you call your home and start talking to your husband only to realize it’s actually your son, you will cry for a week.
10. You cry, it gets real. Just remember, with great power comes great responsibility so use those tears wisely. (Also, YOU MUST KNOW WHAT MOVIE THIS QUOTE IS FROM!)
11. He’s really not cold. Shorts in the winter will be a thing.
12. Chances are you will be uncomfortable with seeing his naked man parts waaaaay before he will be uncomfortable with you seeing his naked man parts.
13. You’re probably going to have to justify the wearing of underwear at some point. That kind of freedom just feels so right.
14. Put on a dress and twirl, you will be a for real life princess instantly.
15. No one on the planet is going to love you more fiercely than your son.