Like, sure, you get to be wiser and junk which is awesome because you get to be right more often, but simultaneously every single physical thing about you is succumbing to gravity as it turns into a buttery consistency and slips down your body.
It seems like daily it’s all inching closer to the ground where it will one day be left to turn into dust.
My boobs are where my belly used to be, my belly rests haphazardly atop my thighs, and my knees are, unbelievably, closer to my ankles than I even knew was physiologically possible. How did that happen, knees?! HOW?!
Even my insides are starting to outwardly show signs of their advancing age.
Because, my aging bladder can’t even manage to do the thing it’s been doing since I was an 18month old baby –control itself.
Did you know that peeing yourself a little is a legit part of the lady aging process?
Because I was shocked to discover how obsolete my bladder would become following childbirth and multiple years of general use.
Here I am, a vibrant, frighteningly-close-to-40 year old girl woman with all of my teeth and zero gray hairs and I wet my pants like a real life toddler. If my sagging boobs and my gray hairs and that ache in my back that makes getting up quickly a painful chore wasn’t enough to obliterate my self esteem, now I have to worry about potentially soiling myself in public.
Like a baby.
If I laugh too hard. Or move to quickly. Or God forbid, do a jumping jack in the exercise class I attend tri-weekly in order to battle the osteoporosis my doctor handed me a pamphlet on recently, there is a real life chance that I will get peepee in my undies.
It’s embarrassing. And shameful.
And, just. So. Sad.
I used to think the women doing the low options in Zumba were doing it to favor their weak knees, but after recently joining the I-pee-when-I-move-a-lot-club, I kinda think that it’s just their way to prevent puddling on the floor. Because, duuuude, jumping jacks!
Before I accepted this sponsored post campaign I was pretty ashamed of this situation. If I’m honest, that feeling hasn’t actually subsided even a little bit, but I am more willing to share this product with you provided that you agree that WE CAN NEVER HAVE A FACE TO FACE DISCUSSION ABOUT THIS.
Seriously. Never come up to me at the pool or football practice or the gym and say any words regarding my peepee pants.
I am begging you.
Because, while I am eager to help you (yes, this is about YOU, not ME, because I really only pee my panties when I feel like it, which of course, is really never) I don’t want to have to look you in the eye and rehash this ugly. If you feel like you need to acknowledge that you’re feeling me on this one, I think this will do…
Now, for the helping.
Poise has what could be the exact answer for you and your leakage issue.
It’s called Poise Impressa and it’s not designed to absorb leaks, but to prevent them.
I’m going to let this video cover the sciencey stuff…
In an effort to not horrify the three men that read this blog (what? There are a couple of them!), here’s my take on them…
They are not uncomfortable (in fact the sizing kit they provide helps make sure that they will be basically unnoticeable), which was my only real concern before agreeing to try them.
And, they work. To give you an idea of how well, let me just sat that my jumping jacks game has gone from half hearted to gettin’ it basically overnight!
If you still have questions, you should probably check out the Poise Impressa FAQ page.
Getting old is still sad, but not wetting my pants while I jump around like the 25 year old I wish I was helps make it less so.
P.S.: The one and only time we can have a real discussion about this is when I co-host the Twitter party with Poise on August 20th. If you want to ask me questions about my, er, situation that is your chance. Follow $TryImpressa to join on Twitter.
P.P.S: This is a sponsored post brought to you by Poise Impressa. I was compensated for being willing to share this real life experience with you. All peepee pants unmentionables are mine and mine alone.