I can’t name many days wherein I don’t witness people committing crimes against societal norms.
Nothing major, but the kind of actions that help you understand why humans have behavior expectations for each other.
Like correct use of the crosswalk. The expectation is that you wait on the curb until the light to cross is green and then you expeditiously move across the street before it turns red (they give you plenty of time). The expectation is NOT that you ghetto stroll across the street, at your leisure, when the light has clearly asked you not to and then put your loud phone call on hold to yell at those of us who ask you, with our car horns, to move it along. You’re shunning the system, holding me up, and daring me to hit you. I don’t skip out on dares people, I just don’t.
Public transportation provides countless opportunities to experience people not adhering to basic societal and community behavior expectations. I like to say I do what I wanna, but there are actually a lot of grown up people who really do. Never mind the rest of us.
I’ve decided they must be stopped!
Only, sadly, unless someone is about to unleash a zombie apocalypse (those people always perish first, right? I’m convinced it’s because no one wants to help keep them alive), the stop-the-crazy cause is unlikely to come to fruition.
I guess I just don’t fall far enough into the tell-it-like-it-is life group to actually say or do anything to or about people who behave this way. I just smile and wave and
imagine ramming them with my car move on with my life silently judging them in my head and texting my BFF about the injustice. And then I come home and write about it on my blog, uniting passive aggressive silently suffering people everywhere.
People Who Must Be Stopped: Air Travel Edition
1. The person who slams their seat all the way back, no warning. Just, BACK. Fast. And then my computer is wedged there between their fully reclined seat and the tray table it was innocently resting on before it was violated. A subtle look back is all I’m asking for, you don’t even have to say anything, just loooook, baaaack; I’m awesome with nonverbal clues.
2. The person who grabs onto the back of your seat to pull themselves up from their own with such force that when they let go they shoot you forward like a catapult. But, not before they rip some of your hairs straight from their home in your scalp.
3. People who put the armrests up. Everyone knows those aren’t arm rests, they’re barriers. So your parts can’t spill over onto my parts. I don’t even enjoy friendly hugs from friends, so I strongly desire to have as little comingling of parts with random strangers as possible.
4. People who glare and mumble about crying infants. I get it, no one wants to hear crying an entire flight, just like no one wants to cry for an entire fly. In most cases, that doesn’t happen anyway. Also, it’s a baby. A human baby. Give it a break. After all, I’m pretty sure you’re the same person who took 15 minutes unbuckling your belt and untying your shoes and taking off your watch and emptying your pockets and literally holding up every person from proceeding with their day at security this morning. We forgave you for that and you’re not even a baby.
5. People who fart. It’s just mean. Hotboxing a whole airplane full of people, it’s like you don’t respect humanity at all?
6. People who are rude to the flight attendants. They’re gonna get you your 9am cocktail right after they make sure none of us die. Calming down would be awesome.
7. People whose bags don’t fit in the overhead bin. Like at all. Like not even a little. Like not even if you turn it around. Or to the side. Seriously, you knew it wouldn’t fit and now the whole ordeal is held up because you didn’t want to pay the $25 fee or leave some of those shoes at home. I get that it’s annoying, I don’t want to pay it either, just fly Southwest and do the right thing.
8. People who take up a bunch of the overhead bin with a jacket. I’m putting my bag on top of that, I really am.
9. People who take off their shoes and dangle their naked feet into other people’s personal areas. And by personal area, I mean that itty bitty space between the wall and the seat I am sitting in. Where my arm is supposed to rest. But can’t unless it also wants to be tickled by your toes. Which, for the record, and I really shouldn’t even have to say this, it doesn’t. Please place your feet back into your shoes and away from my everything. Immediately.
10. People who stand in the aisle and talk. Is that even allowed? Because it shouldn’t be.