I can’t name many days wherein I don’t witness people committing crimes against societal norms.
Nothing major, but the kind of actions that help you understand why humans have behavior expectations for each other.
Like correct use of the crosswalk. The expectation is that you wait on the curb until the light to cross is green and then you expeditiously move across the street before it turns red (they give you plenty of time). The expectation is NOT that you ghetto stroll across the street, at your leisure, when the light has clearly asked you not to and then put your loud phone call on hold to yell at those of us who ask you, with our car horns, to move it along. You’re shunning the system, holding me up, and daring me to hit you. I don’t skip out on dares people, I just don’t.
Public transportation provides countless opportunities to experience people not adhering to basic societal and community behavior expectations. I like to say I do what I wanna, but there are actually a lot of grown up people who really do. Never mind the rest of us.
I’ve decided they must be stopped!
Only, sadly, unless someone is about to unleash a zombie apocalypse (those people always perish first, right? I’m convinced it’s because no one wants to help keep them alive), the stop-the-crazy cause is unlikely to come to fruition.
I guess I just don’t fall far enough into the tell-it-like-it-is life group to actually say or do anything to or about people who behave this way. I just smile and wave and imagine ramming them with my car move on with my life silently judging them in my head and texting my BFF about the injustice. And then I come home and write about it on my blog, uniting passive aggressive silently suffering people everywhere.
People Who Must Be Stopped: Air Travel Edition
1. The person who slams their seat all the way back, no warning. Just, BACK. Fast. And then my computer is wedged there between their fully reclined seat and the tray table it was innocently resting on before it was violated. A subtle look back is all I’m asking for, you don’t even have to say anything, just loooook, baaaack; I’m awesome with nonverbal clues.
2. The person who grabs onto the back of your seat to pull themselves up from their own with such force that when they let go they shoot you forward like a catapult. But, not before they rip some of your hairs straight from their home in your scalp.
3. People who put the armrests up. Everyone knows those aren’t arm rests, they’re barriers. So your parts can’t spill over onto my parts. I don’t even enjoy friendly hugs from friends, so I strongly desire to have as little comingling of parts with random strangers as possible.
4. People who glare and mumble about crying infants. I get it, no one wants to hear crying an entire flight, just like no one wants to cry for an entire fly. In most cases, that doesn’t happen anyway. Also, it’s a baby. A human baby. Give it a break. After all, I’m pretty sure you’re the same person who took 15 minutes unbuckling your belt and untying your shoes and taking off your watch and emptying your pockets and literally holding up every person from proceeding with their day at security this morning. We forgave you for that and you’re not even a baby.
5. People who fart. It’s just mean. Hotboxing a whole airplane full of people, it’s like you don’t respect humanity at all?
6. People who are rude to the flight attendants. They’re gonna get you your 9am cocktail right after they make sure none of us die. Calming down would be awesome.
7. People whose bags don’t fit in the overhead bin. Like at all. Like not even a little. Like not even if you turn it around. Or to the side. Seriously, you knew it wouldn’t fit and now the whole ordeal is held up because you didn’t want to pay the $25 fee or leave some of those shoes at home. I get that it’s annoying, I don’t want to pay it either, just fly Southwest and do the right thing.
8. People who take up a bunch of the overhead bin with a jacket. I’m putting my bag on top of that, I really am.
9. People who take off their shoes and dangle their naked feet into other people’s personal areas. And by personal area, I mean that itty bitty space between the wall and the seat I am sitting in. Where my arm is supposed to rest. But can’t unless it also wants to be tickled by your toes. Which, for the record, and I really shouldn’t even have to say this, it doesn’t. Please place your feet back into your shoes and away from my everything. Immediately.
10. People who stand in the aisle and talk. Is that even allowed? Because it shouldn’t be.
LOL these are so funny! I get so much anxiety flying that I’m to busy focusing on breathing and staying calm to get upset over any of these things. Except for the people who like to stand in the isle wearing hoodies looking like they are posing for future terrorist suspect sketches.
Every one of these is perfection but the too big luggage in the overhead is the one that really gets me ragey. They hold up the flow of people and their arse or junk is always in someones face as they are trying to wedge their big-arsed bag in a small space.
And then, of course, they absolutely must get something very important out of that bag at least once during the flight. Then the struggle starts all over again.
DYING. Thank you for that afternoon laugh. I have experienced them all. Feet are a major no-no for me–SO grody. Another person you have to love: the person with the window seat who puts up the armrest, falls asleep IN YOUR FACE and starts snoring. Then they wake up and have to go to the bathroom every 20 minutes. No. Just no!
Also guilty of number three. I only do it occasionally. Some plane seats are more narrow than others, and if that armrest is down my butt is like a cork in a bottle for three hours. It’s so painful it’s worth knowing someone is pissed you’re in their personal space. Don’t worry, I am fully mortified.
Everything else made me laugh out loud. I think those 9 am drinkers would never day-drink anywhere outside of Las Vegas!
Honestly, it’s not people who are polite about it or who do it because they need to. It’s always the people who like put the arm rest up, rest their elbow on my hip, and act like I’m not even supposed to notice, or that I’m supposed to scrunch down into the person sitting next to me to give them more spreading out room. No one who needs to be stopped has manners, if they did, I’d be more hey-girl-it’s-cool and less I-will-end-you-with-my-fists.
And I was on a flight from BlogHer, early morning, Chicago to Baltimore, and this woman was fully incensed that she couldn’t have an adult beverage because of dangerous turbulence. She made such a stink about it I needed a shot and I don’t even really drink!
It all comes down to courtesy and manners, doesn’t it?
I was in the TSA line and people were pissed at the guy going through doing everything wrong. The TSA agent was shouting, “shoes off, shoes off!”
Show guy didn’t speak English. I can’t believe that didn’t occur to a TSA Agent.
For me the unforgivable airplane sin is not wiping pee off the seat in the loo. Ragey, white-hot hate.
How upset with me are you going to be if I say I am guilty of #3. Sometimes.
I laughed so hard at “… and you’re not even a baby.” HA HA HA!!
I also get upset with the people who hold things up because they sit in the WRONG DAMN SEAT and pray that no one sits there so that they can have a closer seat. But then lo and behold, here comes the proper person for that seat and there all, “can we trade?” and the person is all “HELL NO!” DUH. Get in your assigned seat, jerk!!
It’s like the movies Elaine. When people come and ask me if I can scoot down a bit?! NO! I got here 45 minutes ago because I wanted to sit RIGHT HERE, DEAD CENTER. I paid like $13 and answered the same trivia question 17 times for this seat. I’m not moving six seats down.
Number 5 is why I can never take James on a plane. Never. Number 8 makes me so angry that I could possibly get arrested and banned by the TSA if I ever acted on the thoughts that go through my head.
I know. I had to have a real life talking to with my children about #5. I was like you can be a lot of things, but you will NOT be that guy.
Bwahahahaha! Why must I cry? In general I’m more aggressive than passive but I find watching and judging these socially idiotic pepole pretty entertaining. Howeverbutcomma if I find somebody’s foot fingers anywhere near my person, I’m going off.
Yes, I had to recover from actually gagging, and by then he had moved them. Even he realized he’d gotten to far with his acting-like-you-re-home shenanigans.