I’m going on a diet.
Let me rephrase that.
I am changing my diet.
Okay, that’s not quite right either. Deep breath…
Okay. I said. It’s out there in the universe now so I have to make this work because I hate failing with an audience. I prefer secretly failing, in a dark corner, alone, if I’m going to fail at something.
But, before I jump into why this has to work, let me just tell you a little bit about why it hasn’t been.
Since 2008 and I have lost and gained a whole bunch of weight.
More than I even want to admit to.
When I went in to give birth to #3 I weighed 212lbs. This is me then (or close to then)…
212 is a whole lot of pounds. Particularly when you throw those pounds on the frame of a 5 foot 3 inch chick. Plus, I sorta, kinda, almost look like cabbage patch kid.
I felt round, and disgusting, and um, round. Because I was.
I joined Weight Watchers when he was 4 months old and, over the course of about 6 months, I lost all of my baby weight and more. When I hopped on the scale one afternoon and it only went up to 155lbs, I did an Irish jig, with full on heel clicking, just because I could. This was me, then…
Dude, look at those slim arms!
Now, that still made me technically overweight. And, it still wasn’t my final goal weight (which I never met because my weight loss busted a u-ey right about here). But it was a far cry from 212, and it had me wearing pants with a one digit size for the first time in years.
I was happy with my new hotness.
I felt good. I know I looked good (insert neck roll and duck lips). And, best of all, I was healthy. Eating right and even working out (I was running about 6 miles, 4 times a week).
And then my membership to Weight Watchers ended. And, I suffered a minor running injury. And, the holidays came. And I started eating fudge and drinking hot chocolate by the fire. And, yeah, I fell off the wagon.
I have been dragging behind that thing ever since.
And now, here we are 3 years later and I’ve gained a good, strong-but-wiggly 20lbs. This is me now…
I am currently weighing in at 175lbs of woman.
That friends, is a lot of woman. And me no likey.
I feel slow and unhealthy. I breathe heavy when I walk far (and by far I mean a block to the school bus stop), and I sweat hard when I breathe heavy. Which means, I sweat, a lot.
I can’t wear the clothing I want, my back has boobs, and I am scared to pieces to have my blood glucose checked because I don’t want to know if I am a borderline diabetic (it’s rampant in my family so there’s a good chance).
Hard to look cute when you feel like puke all the time.
And, since cuteness is clearly top of my list for things I seriously want to be in life, things have got to change.
So, I’m going back to what I know works: Weight Watchers.
I walked at least 3 miles a weekend ago (while wearing a 25lb back pack and pulling a 40lb suitcase through throngs of people on the packed street of NYC, thank you Roo!), and I’ve been damn near starving on The Plan since last Monday morning.
I’m motivated, I’m in the right frame of mind, I spent the weekend stuffing my face with deliciousness at NASCAR, and I am ready to do this.
I’ve even gotten Dumb Dad to sponsor me! Every lb I lose, he gives me 5 bucks. Which means, should I lose my entire 20lbs that man will owe me a Benjamin. And I will but a pair of shoes.
We all know I will do just about anything for shoes: work out, watch what I eat, give up midweek cupcakes.
Obviously I’d love to have you join me, because misery loves company as the SITS Girls would say, the secret to success is support.
As I’m currently in the throws of sugar withdraw and sitting on my butt all day withdraw and I can’t-even-stand-to-look-at-Pinterest-because-of-all-of-the-tasty-goodness withdraw, I’m going to need all of the support I can get. I’m thinking about starting a Facebook group. Or a Pin Board of healthy but still yummy recipes. Or a commune where we can go get massages after our low-impact-but-highly-effective workouts, and have healthy, nearly-calorieless juices served to us by hot boys in cute board shorts who are also in charge of entertainment…
pBd Admits It’s Free: I am NOT getting compensated to lose weight. But seriously, if that gift horse came trotting along I wouldn’t even think about looking it in the mouth. I did receive a complimentary 3-month online membership to the Weight Watchers site to help make my journey to Slender McHottiness easier.