And other embarrassing stuff you don’t want to own up to.
Like peeing in a shopping cart in the middle of Wal-Mart.
And yes, I’m speaking from experience.
It was just one of those days, ya know?!
The kind where your potty-training two year old ends up shoved in a shopping cart at Wal-Mart with a Twizzler in one hand and a sippy cup in the other, wearing cowboy boots sans socks, a wife-beater, and a pair of cut off jean shorts full on commando style.
Great day for him; seriously
effed up bad day for you.
Because not only is your sugar-rushing toddler half way naked in public, you’re at Wal-Mart.
With a laundry list full of perishable items you MUST purchase NOW so you can get home to bake your booty off for the party you somehow got volunteered for tomorrow.
Realizing the lack of undergarments only because you slipped down to a knee in a pee puddle.
A pee puddle that was clearly originating from your big-eyed two year old in his shopping cart.
Cart is 80% filled with must-be-refrigerated items and my kid is pissing in the middle of the grocery store!
Why? Why? Me?
So, what does one do when staring at a full shopping cart, a pee-soaked kid (who is mostly oblivious anyway), and a puddle the size of Texas, smeared up the aisle by your fall?
- Abort mission; leaving the evidence of a full, pee scented shopping cart and a tell-tale puddle in your wake?
- Spend 25 minutes looking for an employee to report this situation to?
- Bust open the decorative napkins you picked up for the party, mop up the mess yourself, and thrust another Twizzler in your kid’s hand to keep him quiet (what? you’re nearly finished!)?
Hey. I was not planning to be caught dead in Wal-Mart again that week and I had a party to prep for, so no way I was aborting that mission.
Also, Wal-Mart employees are like gold-bar-scarce. You can never, EVER find them no matter how hard you look.
And, really, based on the clientele, it’s safe to assume that this wasn’t the first time Wal-Mart had been peed in!
Just like last Sunday was probably not the first time the swimming pool had become home to the chunky insides of a little dude’s belly.
He swallowed water!
Puke happens! Especially when you’re still perfecting the stop-trying-to-talk-underwater part of swimming.
So of course, not 2 minutes after I finally got up the courage to disrobe in the presence of random citizens to enter the swimming pool for the first time all summer, Mister Open-Mouth-While-Swimming-Pants goes under, takes a gulp, and comes up gagging.
I did what any mom would do as he made his flailing, shock-and-horror face:
laughed patted his back vigorously.
Maybe I shouldn’t have.
Because naturally, he responded by barfing his pre-pool popcorn snack directly into my hand.
Yeah, I caught it, because I’m just that Mom Awesome.
So, what does one do when they are puke fisting while fully submerged in a public pool filled with moms and kids trying to escape the heat and the house on a hot Sunday afternoon?
- Abort mission; leaving with a mess of crying, complaining Dudes in your wake?
- Alert the swimming pool authorities immediately so that they can close the pool for the next hour and shock it with enough chlorine to kill a cow?
- Calmly proceed to the side of the pool and deposit the ugly on the pool deck so you can hustle into the bathroom, incognito style, for a towel to clean it up.
Um, yeah. Please believe that I was NOT going to be the lady with the barfy kid who ruined Sunday swimming for 50 people.
No. Freakin’. Way.
And, while I’m sure a bit of the slimy stuff dripped into the pool through my tightly clamped fingers, the majority of it was safely deposited on the pool deck where I really did clean it up all by myself while the Dude recovered from the incident.
I mean, what’s all that chlorine for anyway?
If it’s strong enough to burn off the pee, it’s strong enough to take care of a few drops of puke, isn’t it?!
Please don’t pretend like your kids don’t pee in the pool.
They totally do whether they own up to it or not.
‘I just didn’t see a need to ruin the first tantrum free afternoon we’d had in weeks by getting the pool shut down and spending the rest of the day being stanky-eyed by all of the moms.
I reported a “near pool puking” as we went out the door that day anyway. Just so they could mop there if they wanted.
Have a bad day you want to share?
Feel free to leave your story in the comments or share it on your own blog and link up to Mama Kat’s Writer’s Workshop like I di!